The battle of angel and devil... and... dont judge the book by it cover...

Sometime i just don understand... whether i wan to or i don wan to... sometime i feel like i shld do this but i just don noe y i cant do it... it like i wan to but my body don let me... is it my sub conscious controling me ??... I wanted to be jealous but then i cant... but when i don wana to be jealous but then i kept on felt the jealous... it like very hard to control... y is tat happening... zzz... i noe tat he is my bro... bt then why i feel tat??... it shld be ok wat... wat is making me started to be afraid... wat is in me tat making me losing trust... i don understand... but i don wan to be jealous of tat... it like wasting time... why i shld be thinking about tat... wtf am i doing...zzz... but is it my problem... is it really tat i thinking too much... or really is tat there is something on ??... i don wan to noe... i don wana think... but... he keep contacting her... why ??... my girl... my ex's... all... y ?? i don understand... maybe it really nothing... or maybe not...?? i don noe... and i don wana noe... all i noe is that i love my girl... i really don wana lose her... but i am afraid she will leave me... cause she will be tired... tired of waiting for me... i don wana tat happen... but i don wan her to leave me... it is all because of my fault... it is all mine... playing games... doing things slowly... if only i can reject my bros... but i don wan to be like aaron... it too hard to balance... am i doing the right things... i am thinking damn lots right now... i am afriad of competitors... too many guys... too many rival... too many thoughts... too many pressure... i may look ok... but it still pressure me alot... i may have confident... but i am still afraid of losing her... she is everything for me now... i cant think wat happen if she leave me... i cant think wat i can do in the nights without chatting with her on phone... i cant think how can i live on without seeing her sms everyday in the morning... i cant think... i really cant... although i am once a pig and an asshole... but i am still being dumped by 3 girl be4... i don wan to lose this girl too... she is different with all my ex... i noe it... when i saw her... but i am afraid tat time... tat i will make a mistake again... but i am very glad now... tat i am with her... i didt make a wrong choice... and i can see our future... i planned all the things... it like all will be coming truth... but right now... i don wan to lose her... i don think i can find another girl like her... she is the one... i noe it when i first touch her hand... i can feel the warmth... i wan to be with her...

i don always say this... but i miss her everyday , every hour every sec... i wan to bring her with me... but i am afraid she don use to it... and she got her things too... Dear... i really love you... and i will love you forever...