Fallen

I am glad i ask you. I cant even sleep well. Everyday just kept thinking of u to sleep. Luckly your ans is more of a universal ans. I hope maybe the least that u are hinting me. Or ... i don noe wat to think off le. U really don love me anymore ? Can u tell me ? U hope i will woo u back ? I noe i say i will. But do u think this way too ? Seriously, i already don noe which day is today or wat. I only remember that night and everything seem to stop there till now. I feel very helpless. Can someone please help me ? I really need it now. I really need u now baby. But in your life, do u still need me ? Tell me please. In watever way. I already don noe le. I cant eat, cant sleep and i still cannot talk to anyone. And i still have to act that i am fine. This is FKing tiring !! Typing is not helping me anymore man. Zzz... I feel like fainting.

If i going to die, will u come back to me ? If i really happen something very bad, will u come see me ? I had already thought of this le, if i am on the verge of dieing, I will call u. And tell u i love you. And all i regret is i never give u my 101%.

Crying, typing, thinking, unable to eat, unable to sleep. All this shit, this is worse then outfield or anything i had suffer before. I rather now i kidney infection again. Lying on the hospital bed there. Using medication to sleep. And when i wake up, u are by my side. Looking after me. I really hope this will happen. But this is no fairy tale. I noe that. I will take this punishment. But when will this end ? Or do i really have any hope at all. I can feel that as days pass, it is getting harder and harder to pass. Can i even handle it man. Can i live one day normally ?? Or do i have to bang by a car on the head. Then forget everything, and let me reset.

i already fking desperate and depress le. HOw long more or how much more do i have to suffer to have u back ? Am i really so hard to love ? Or am i really that painfull to love ? I really wonder.

I don even noe wether u will be watching all this anot. But i can only lie to myself. That maybe, maybe one day. U think of me. And u look for me. And u watch my blog. May be u noe how i feel. Maybe u can give me a chance ? Or just let us restart everything. From friends start. Now, even i wan to sms u, i also can feel it is very hard for u to reply. I just only wan to noe the truth. Your honest word from your heart. and all this changing happening in your life. is this all revenge to me ? Or this is actually wat u heart want form the start ?

I need ans. But how am i gona noe. I really don noe. When will be our next meeting ? When will i hear your voice again ? Will i able to see u again ? Can i ever feel you again? Can i ever smell your hair again ? So many question. When where how wat why ?

I am glad at least i am not like aaron. But so wat my personality is like this, i cant even win you back. I really don noe how am i going to face my future. Every weekend ? all my off. I don even noe i clear for wat ? i cant even sell my off. All my public holidays ? I really already don noe le. Your life is still the same. But for mine ? Wat will it be ? If i am wrong about you, please tell me. Cause i still care about you. Your days in school, what u do ? who u meet ? Wat u eat ? Who u go home ? Feeling well ? Everything about you. I wan to noe. But will u let me noe ?? I am stupid. I agree. But i really need hints that is clear to me or i don noe. And i will only think and think. I am afraid i think too much, too optismistic. If i really don have a chance already. In the future. Please tell me too. I mean it. As in fking no chance, Please tell me.

So wat we talk that morning. Near the bus stop. Is it still valid anot ? so is this still a breakup/time up ? Or this is a Breakup liao. No more coming back. I don noe alot of things. But i don mind to find out the ans.

I really fking confuesd, my mind is in a blank. Tell me girl. Will i ever get u back ?

Cried
sick

ALJH I am sorry for being stupid. But i will still like to noe...