Horoscope of the day:

Horoscope of the day:
The moon is making you feel sensitive and romantic today, whereas the high prietess is encouraging you to be discreet and have patience. These cards suggest that you are fantasizing about a relationship that could fulfill your dream of perfect love, dear Azlin, but you dont dare to talk to the person who occupies your thoughts. Maybe you have the feeling that you're in for a disappointment.

Thinking of you but I know I'm scared of the disappointment that you always give me.
Every single time i forgive you and move on.
every time you expect me to wait.
even now u expect me to wait if u ever change. You SIAO AH~~~
like this we might as well just firget it la.
I thought now is your turn to wait and dont let me wait alr~~
U will wait but When i come back, U will probably have changed?
and might not be ready to accept me back?"
Tts Fucking not waiting la~~
U want me to wait agn~~
U crazy ah~ u think i wait not enough ah~~
I really dun know what u want le la~
I really do love the time we spent tgt
and i really do love u but I'm afraid of fucking alot of things.
For now, I think i just keep my thoughts to myself.
Just change if you want. I dun expect you to wait anymore.
Tags: ailingjinghao. 29nov.

Girl, I don Noe is tat u don Noe me, or u don't trust me till u don Noe me anymore. Girl, I am glad that u tell me how u feel. Cause u never say I will never know. Tat is y everything that come through my mind first or things that I have think off, I tell u. I wan to noe watt your feeling and your reaponse. I rather be truth to u girl, telling u all the possible outcome that i have thought off and noe your ans and response, rather then after that telling u things that I can't promise. I am trying to cut down the misunderstanding chances so we could be prepared when things happen. I Noe I always ask u things that will make u angry and du lan. But it is not my attention to quarrel with u. I ask u things but that does't mean I will do it. I had always been like this. Since young. I told u before tat there was once when I was still in pri sch. I argued with my mum the first time saying tat I don wan to cut hair. So my mum thought I not going. But after tuition I still make my way to my grand parent house there de barber shop. I waited for hours for my mum. In the end the Malay barber that always cut hair for me, give me ten cent for me to call my mum. And I called my mum. She was shocked tat I was there. U shld hear tat before cause I swear I have tell u before.

Before we stead, I have told u before too that I Noe tat our personality does't suit each other. But so what, the most important thing is tat I love you. I have feelings for u girl, and I don mind to go up and down the moutons for u. As long as u are with me. Tat is all I asked. I don believe tat we together, can't overcome all these shit.

But in the end, is my own doing which make u leave me. And what I am doing now is simple. I am waiting for u. Lots of things can prove that. But u don Noe wether u will come back to me anot, and u asked me to move on. I am moving on, just like I told u. But my
Love side will just stop there. Cause I still love u. And I dare to swear it. But u also didt give me a clear ans. I Noe u still love me, but u also "love " him too. I can't accept this yet wat I can do for u, is to wait. Girl, u tell me, did u had any slight regrets ? Tat u break with me ? I not asking tat u got regret be with me before. And I really afraid tat if we patch, one day u will suddenly leave me again. I really afraid tat I can't take a second fall again. I am sorry k. But u won't scare tat I like can't give u my 100percent if we patch cause I am afraid ? I don noe how to phrase it. Wrong words. But I mean just I am afraid when we patch, I am not the same guy tat I once was. Are u ready to accept my changes ?

And last question. Did u regret tat u pong ping with your current bf ? Please tell me the truth k. This very important to me k. Please. Don lie to me about this k.

It just tat till now, I still can't accept it. It really painfull, even till now. I still can remember the pain when you first told me about this thing.

I noe u will angry about wat I type here k. But this is wat I realy wan to say. I will still wait for u. My feelings for u will never change. Trust me little by little. Girl, if u don start, we will never have a chance to be together. Isnt it ?

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Answer?

Will not be posting anything till u call me. So I won't be affecting your feelings. Fair right? Just tc of yourself and don't treat your mum so bad k. Tc girl.

ALJH <3

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Blue black on hand

Girl, sorry if i treat u cold k. Haizz... Don noe wat to do le. Your happiness ? Or my happiness ? Zzz... Sleep tight girl. Yesterday night is the best le.

ALJH <3

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My day.

My day.

Today went for games day. Learnt how to play touch rugby. Not bad, although got a few scratch on my limbs. After that went to gym for some hardcore workup.

Nights out for my platoonmate. Currently stuck here. Waiting for the last parade to report. Zzz... Boring... Tml shld be games days again. Can't wait for my release. Zzz... Torturing. And boring.

Girl, I expect u not to call today. I agree to wat u say. U are a faithful girl and u don wan to break your principle. Girl, I just hope u don do stupid things k. Like... Er pong pong at cinema. That is abit too much le bah, wat if u get caught ? Zzz... Sorry to comment on your personal life, but I just hope u think twice k.

I also don Noe wat to say le. I will also control myself not to emo to much on the post. So u won't be affected. Guess that the only thing I can do for u bah. Just remember our promise k. Anything just call me. When needed la.

Hmm... Nothing much to say le. I will see when to pass u chocolate k. Thinking of how to let u see the domokun bolster. :)

ALJH this suck...

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My day at reservoir, thinking of the past.

2nd day sol.

2nd day sol.

Just had breakfast. Zzz... SOL is a waste of time. Haizz... Such a terrible night to sleep. So hot, and hard to sleep. Hope tat u are sleeping well. Thks for the few seconds of happiness girl. ;) apperciate it.

Don Noe wat to type here le. Just remember tat I am always hiding somewhere in your heart k. If u need me, just find me. ;);) guess tat all I can say and do for u le. Hope tat u will find true happiness girl.

Haha, how I hope I can drunk myself asleep every night. Easier to sleep bah.
Miss 小黑 sia. Luckly she is still there. If only I can see her. Haha... Our memories are break into small pieces in your life.

So much memories but so little time. Haha... Nvm...

Sweet drems girl. :):)

ALJH always here for u

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Theory

I am just a friend now. So your bf shld have 85 % of the time spending with u. And i only got 5% of your time talking on phone with u. And not on everyday basis. One week around 4 to 6 days. And we also never meet at all. So by time basis, i will slowly get a smaller percentage as the days pass by. hmm... so by Feb, i shld be fully gone. And your new Bf will get 90% by that time, if everything goes well with u. i have 15% of winning. but that will slowly decrease as the days pass, and i only have 1% hope tat both of u will quarrel till break, which is quite impossible. Cause u are quite soft hearted and he can give u security and jealousy that u wanted. And your love for him will slowly upgrade to the level of love tat u give me in about 1 year time in your relationship. But by then u will be in SIA and he will be in Army. But that is abit too far, so cut it out. So currently i am at a very bad spot. Play to win only man !! So how do i win now ?? Hmmm....


Never mind, i go watch big bang theory bah. Hahaha... Future is always unknown. If fate wanted like tat i also no choice, but to suck my thumb. Zzzz... Cant sleep !!!

Hope u are back home and safe.

Jut finish the first season of Big Bang Theory, while waiting for u.

Another boring saturday, alone at home.

Sleep early girl. Sweet Dreams.

ALJH

Maybe i am expecting too much le.

Alarm

this bird wake me up today. lol, don noe who lost their bird.

1 month

It been 1 month le. Soon u will be 1 month with him liao. Haizz... Went for excersie today, felt uneasy after days of not doing any excersie. Almost finish the first season of big bang theory. Dling the 2nd season le. Damn funny, but watch too much, like I become geek. Zzz.. Lol

Today fking almost knock down by a car. When crossing, I swear I see the traffic light is red le. The car just drive fking fast pass me. I can feel the pain, like I was really hit. Maybe the other me was really knock down. But I don think I will die. Maybe break my leg bah. Haha... Maybe it still not the time for me to die bah. For this life. :)

Now suffering pain from neck. ... ... It like I pull a vein when I work up. But now it getting more pain. Zzz... Have to put Chinese medical pad. Zzz... U still haven call yet. Don Noe wether u are home yet anot. Worried. Hope u are ok, girl.

Maybe u don feel like calling le...

ALJH thinking about u

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Goals

Goals

Guess u sleep le bah girl. Missing u so much... Hope u are sleeping tight. Can feel the loneliness in the air. Can see the moon tonight... So bright and nice... Very long never go pm le... Hope can go pm with u again.. :)

Caught 3 fishes. 2 quite big, will be uploading photos bah. Cause is my cousin de camera.

Lots of things tat I wan to do. My mum just nag me about my birthday. Really don noe watt to do sia. Haizz... I also forget tat my birthday reaching le. Have to settle my private de entry too. If not too late, ord still have to wait sia. Zzz...

Stay at home, I can just forget about all these things... Omg. Wasted too much time... Gotta do something tml le.

Zzz... Sleep tight girl. Very long never see your sleeping face le. Sweet dreams. :);)

ALJH in my heart. <3

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Bad morning, guess the ba Chou mee too spicy le. Dirreoh for the whole morning, till my leg really wobbly. Zzz... But luckly recovered very fast, after wave of shitting. Zzz...

Bad morning, guess the ba Chou mee too spicy le. Dirreoh for the whole morning, till my leg really wobbly. Zzz... But luckly recovered very fast, after wave of shitting. Zzz...

Went to gym to try to warm up back, cause have rested a few days le. Left arm is fking pain, because of the donation. But just continue doing. Cause will be resting for 5 days soon. So cannot waste.

After tat, book out late again. Because of CSM. Zzz... Went to woodlands to buy ear studs first. After tat went to Derrick place for BBQ. Not bad, save dinner money.

Went for bowling after tat, tempted to buy one too, but still not sure I will be using wat kind of stroke. So on stand by first. Learn how to scrool the ball. Not bad, got progress. Will be trying again on the next time. :)

Really hope can bring u to play bowling again. It is so much funner with u. At woodlands, went to pass malam. Bought the twist potato. Remember our first time trying that. Haizz... Wonder we still have chance to go pass malam again.

Thinking of u again and again, Till I am sick of my iPod music. Gotta find other ways Liao. Guess pain is still the fastest way. So say good bye to all the pain killer.

ALJH sleep tight girl. Maybe u cab dream ... ...

Will be going town tml with xiong. To buy his friend present. Big bang theory.

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Living in a lie...

Living in a lie...

If a clown job is to make ppl happy, then no matter wat he do, even it is to be on the worst state of his life he also must do his job. Cause he is a professional. If my saddnes can bring ppl happiness, then so be it then. I rather live in a lie, cause at least I can still see u smile. It is worth it.

So I will just keep on wearing a mask, and make ppl happy. Cause at least I am doing my job well, even I am a sucky person. So what I excel with my peers, I am a loser in love. If this can make u happy, then I don mind suffer. Cause maybe that is my life bah. ;):)

ALJH can a clown ride a horse ?

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Not a good day.

Not a good day.

Haizz... Saw your msg on fb to your bf. :(:( sadded.

Back to me. Went to nuh, reach too early. Half an hour plus. Bought donuts and gulp as breakfast. After tat went to register. Almost have to pay as private. Cause I don have a referral letter. Zzz... Luckly called derick for mo number. And ask them to fax it to nuh, if not I have to pay 96 dollars for consultation fee sia. Zzz...

Registered, waited for name to be call, went in and waited for the doctor for about 10 minutes. Zzz... And they ask me to take x ray again. Cause they can't find my x ray files. Zzz...

Went to take then went back again. Change doctor, kept on pressing my thumb and ask wether pain anot. Fk pain sia, don Noe where he press... and he say shld be legerment tear plus sprain. Cause my x ray never show anything. Maybe my bone grew back le ba. Lol...

Then went to take status and med. 7 tray of panadols. Zzz... Super powerfull one. Eat le, can don do things Liao. Don noe I take for wat. And had another appointment. At block leave, gotta change again. Haizz...

Went to donate blood, fk man. The nurse so lousy, I had blue black for the first time man. Zzz... Now still slight bleeding at the hole there. Zzz... Had to change plaster later. Zzz...

Fk , fk , fk. Lost my ear stud. Zzz... Going to buy when book out. Nb. Zzz... Slacking in bunk now. Rest bah, hand damn pain. Bath also pain. Zzz...

Bad day !!! Shld not go fb on the morning. Zzz....

Today faster end bah. Zzz...

ALJH confusing thoughts...

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Guess i wont be receiving your call tonight... Just hope u reach home le. Sleep tight girl. Nites... :)

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My hope... Tat will never come true...

Memories

Stubborn

Stubborn

Girl, just hope u can be happy k. Don worry or care about me. I Noe u have move on, and I also have made my choice. Since u Noe already, then please don ask me move on k. Thks. :) not only u can be stubborn even I also can be stubborn de.

For now, just please treat me as your friend bah. I won't be too much de, I just hope we are still in contact. Even I don get to see u again. For now. K ?

Miss u fking bad now. Haizz... But I also feel contend le, finally get to see u again. Thks alot girl. Finally can sleep for a good night.

Today morning, sit at your home downstair. Thinking about our past, every time make u angry. I will taun the night just to talk to u downstair. Seeing u throwing paper plan down, with notes in it. I still have all those notes with me. And lastly, the day before I fly to wallaby. I went to see u the last time, the last time, u as my gf. Miss u damn bad tat night, wake up early just to see u the last time before I go to wallaby. Regret not to ask u stay with me for the night. Never regret seeing u the last time tat morning. Now everything is the past le.

Regrets but got no choice. Now, for now. I can only hope your relationship suck la, very bad. But I have to fight for my own happiness too. So sorry. Maybe I got a chance, just like yvonne bf bah. Haizz... Hoping and wishing... I will emo, please don ask me not too. U noe it is impossible. But the least thing I can do for u girl, is not to type out all my emo things nia. But I Noe it is hard, so maybe once in a week then type one emo post bah. ... ... Really miss u girl... Hope u are well and happy.

I will be there k, just for u girl. Remember tat. ;);)

ALJH
the girl that I love most in this world. <3

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Runaway

oohh no
oh oh oh

so easy to forget all of the little things we do
like callin' for no reason
just the shape of words
baby i love you
i know lately
i've been busy
but a second doesn't go by without you crossing my mind
it's been so long
since we had time
let's take a day and make everything right...

just take my hand
fall in love with me again
let's run away to the place
when love first found us
let's run away for the day
don't need anyone around us
oh oh oh
when everything in love gets so complicated
it only takes a day to change it
well i have to say
can't wait
all i need is a day
so let's run away
let's run away
just for the day
run away
run away...

girl you've been so patient
spending nights alone and not complaining
but i'll make it up to you
and i promise today i won't keep you waiting

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/runaway-lyrics-bruno-mars.html ]

please give me this one chance to remind you of everything we had
i won't give up
i'm too much in love
and i want you to know that...

just take my hand
fall in love with me again
let's run away to the place
when love first found us
let's run away for the day
don't need anyone around us
oh oh oh
when everything in love gets so complicated
it only takes a day to change it
well i have to say
can't wait
all i need is a day
so let's run away for the day
and i'll give everything in this moment
and i promise to make everyday just like today...

let's run away to the place
when love first found us
let's run away for the day
don't need anyone around us
oh oh oh
when everything in love gets so complicated
it only takes a day to change it
well i have to say
can't wait
all i need is a day
so let's run away...


Girl, go find this song. ^^ nice song. Maybe one day, i can sing it to u girl. ^^

If

Life ?

Life ?

I don wish to be like swk. Zzz...
Do I really have too? Life is so simple yet complex... Zzz... Really don Noe wether I have look out of the box already ? Or still in the box ?

I can prove it. But will u still be there ?
Or do I have to choose other options ? Future is a ? . Haizzz... Thinking too much le.

Guess I just have to look it in the most simple way bah. Am I still me ? Zzz...

Pain is killing me. .... How to sleep ?

Sleep tight girl.

ALJH is it meant to be ??

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Sympathy...

Sympathy...

Girl, u Noe y i say even u call me so late I also can wake up ? U really think I can wake up early ? Actually wat I wan to tell u is ... I have been waiting for your call every night. U may not believer me, but yesterday I ans your call so fast. U shld Noe bah, I had been putting my phone under my pillow since long time ago. So to wait for your call even if I fallen asleep...

But never mind la, I don't expect to sleep anyway just resting every night. Can't sleep too. Every night I can wake up 5 to 7 times because of nothing. Zzz...

Girl, u call me because u sympathy me ? That mean I am not as important Liao. Last week u called because u miss me, but now is pity Liao. Soon it will become I don Noe wat Liao le.

External Pain... Can reduce my pain in my heart. But I won't cut myself anymore le. Don't worry. I will just keep on go gym and train. Till I got body ache Liao. Whole body pain... Actually it really feel better...

Girl, don ask me to move on le. I can't move on when my heart is still with u. Maybe one day, one day, just like u foretell, I may love another her... Maybe bah... Zzz...

Don care about me le girl, I don wan to pull your back leg. I reap wat i sow...

Tc k girl. Call me when u need k. I will always be here... Just for u...

ALJH this is not wat I want...

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No more...

No more...

Guess tat I am gone from your heart Liao. Maybe tat is wat your heart tell u bah. I don Noe wat am I expecting anymore. Hope tat u are happy girl.

ALJH empty

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Swollen finger, can't get my ring out. How I can hope I never take this ring out...

Raining everyday... Just like my feeling in my heart.

Raining everyday... Just like my feeling in my heart. Hate these weather... It is just too cold for me to take it.

I don Noe is u take my words as a joke that i will wait for u cause I always can't get serious, or is i take your word not serious enough. To move on. U dit ask me to wait too... So wat is your heart telling now? U noe that u don love me anymore and u just call me cause u still can't get use too it ? Or u still have feeling for me, but I expired le.

I can feel tat u have been enjoying with your current bf. It is painful for me, but at least u are enjoying it. I really hope he treat u well, guess I am not tat kind of person to be evil bah. Zzz...

Guess tat I just don Noe my limits bah, keep on holding on u, when actually u already is not there for me le. The truths hurts, but I am just too stubborn to admit that I am the loser. Zzz...

If maybe, one day I have a knock on my head. And it is so serious tat I have amnesia, maybe tat day u can come find me. Cause u will feel most secure with me bah. Zzz... But now still have this bf, so cannot anyhow do yet.

Just hope u are fine, had not been sleeping well. Kept on having weird dreams.

Too much to worry, yet am I qualify to worry ??

ALJH actin tough is hard. Zzz...

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开不了口

才离开没多久就开始担心今天的你过得好不好
整个画面是你想你想的睡不着
嘴嘟嘟那可爱的模样还有在你身上香香的味道
我的快乐是你想你想的都会笑
没有你在我有多难熬(没有你在我有多难熬多烦恼)
没有你烦我有多烦恼(没有你烦我有多烦恼多难熬)
穿过云层我试着努力向你奔跑
爱才送到你却已在别人怀抱
就是开不了口让她知道
我一定会呵护着你也逗你笑
你对我有多重要我后悔没让你知道
安静的听你撒娇看你睡着一直到老
就是开不了口让她知道
就是那么简单几句我办不到
整颗心悬在半空我只能够远远看着

彩虹

那裏有彩虹告訴我
能不能把願望還給我
為甚麼天這麼安靜
所有的雲都跑到我這裏

有沒有口罩一個給我
釋懷說太了多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥
也是我現在正服下的毒藥

看不見你的笑 我怎麼睡的著
你的身影這麼近我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽還是會繞
沒有理由 我也能自己找

你要離開 我知道很簡單
你說依賴 是我們的阻礙
就算放開 但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白

RAP:
看不見你的笑 要我怎麼睡得著
你的聲音這麼輕 我卻抱不到
沒有地球 太陽開始環繞環繞
沒有理由 我也能自己走掉
是我說了太多 就承受不了
也許時間是一種解藥 解藥
也是我選擇整瓶服下的毒藥

愛你的人還在

Girl, i noe u have move on. Sorry to be pulling your back leg. But don ask me to move on. Cause it is so hurtful. The girl that u love the most asking u to move on. And look for a new girl. It is damn painful, u noe ? If one day, one day, my heart have no love for u anymore, not even a little... then maybe, one day, one day, i will move on bah.

I am sorry k, i don noe how to keep everything into a small box, and put it in a corner of my heart. If u can, then great k. but i am not you girl. Things that might be easy for u, ani't easy for me too.

If this all hardship is all i have to suffer now. i don mind, cause i rather suffer now then later, at least. i have a brighter future. If he really move his real feelings for u, and u felt sorry. Then jiu go for it bah, i noe that u will feel very bad. That is one of the point that i love u girl. If u really like him, then jiu go bah. Even one day, u found out u love him. But i will still standing here, waiting for u. Don ask me to go, cause i don wish to see one day, when u are left alone standing there, and there are nobody there for u. I have volunter for that, so please don ask me go.

I will still do wat i have to do, but if u want me to seal everything into a small box and keep in my heart. Then i will also seal my feeling and love in it. Cause that is the fairy tale ending that i want.
I have give in for u girl, so u can just take it k, U noe that i can be as stubborn as u de. And don blame me for cursing your current relationship k, every man have to fight for his battles de, for his happiness. So don blame me, and i wont say sorry for that. :p

Wonder when will be your next call, i noe it will be very long later. So wat ? I cannot wait meh ? If u really need someone to listen to u, please call me k. This free line is just for u nia, 24/7. ^^ don be shy k.

I also have think of something, that i hope that u can do for me. If one day i die k. ( touch wood la) lol. If i am still young, and not that succesfull yet, please just come to my funeral jiu can le. AND please wear the last ring we had made together. Just for that day nia. k ? And tell my mum to throw my ash into the seas please. What for wasting land, and still have to ask ppl to pray for me. Stupid. But if i am older le and quite successful, please if possible, use my money then open my funeral at the beach, western style. Everybody in black. Just the way u dreamt of my funeral. Then after the funeral, please throw into the sea k. Same lar, u also must wear our last ring k. Just like how u dream. ^^ I figure out maybe we really never married bah, cause in your dream, we are just old. And u wearing our ring nia. in black. Lol. Maybe that is the story for your dream. Dejavu. ^^ That all. Must touch wood. Lol, i don wan to die so early too !!

30 years old, for me. U WILL MARRY ME !! If we are still single. Hope u are single till then !!! HAhahahahah... Remember this hor, so if u cant find any right guys for u in the coming years, don blame me k. Curse and swear. Nb, must clear this current guy first. Zzz... Go club and ons lar, nb. Zzz...

ALJH 愛你的人還在

Girl, I hope I can take photos like we use too.

Girl, I hope I can...

Girl, I hope I can talk to u every night.
Girl, I hope I can see u everyday.
Girl, I hope I can hug u to sleep any time.
Girl, i hope I can be with u when ever u need me.
Girl, I hope I can dote u every time.
Girl, I hope I can tease u and make u laugh everyday.
Girl, I hope I can make u smile cheerfully eveyday.
Girl, I hope I can sleep with u every
night when ever your parent go overseas.
Girl, I hope I can spend all my off with u only.
Girl, I hope I can eat jap food when ever u want.
Girl, I hope I can ask u help me dig my ear when ever my ear itch.
Girl, I hope I can bring u anywhere with my bike.
Girl, I hope we can cook or bake any food we want.
Girl, I hope I can call u dear.
Gir
Girl, I really hope I can make u feel secure.
Girl, I really hope u can forgive me.
Girl, I really hope I can give u a good future.
Girl, I really hope u give me one more chance.
Girl, I super duper hope we are together now... And Fivever. :):)

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Dream ?

Dream ?

I Noe that u don't read my blog. But i just continue this. Who noes maybe next time got use. :) really glad that u call that night. Just normal conversation like this is like a blessing for me le. One good sleep in a few days.

I slowly accepting that we are not together anymore. But I Noe that I still love u. I don Noe about u, but for now friend between us le. I don ask for much. Just hope u can recover from me. Please don get it wrong. I Noe we can't be together. At least for now. And I don expect u to call me frequently. But I will still expecting your call. Nothing wrong as a friend, right ? :)

For your current bf, u shld Noe yourself the best. I also can't say anything. Cause the choice is yours. I can only advice u. Good luck in anything u doing k. Including working as a waitress. :)

Haizz... Boring day in camp. Done the most slack guard duty ever. But kana turn out by ps. Almost get charged again but luckly ps is just playing around. Zzz...

Thinking of our past. Miss u damn lots, all the one dollar coin tat u kept for me. Help me dig ears when I book out. Fking long never dig Liao sia. Damn itchy. Lol. But I also scare ask other ppl help me. Zzz... Guess I can only wait one day bah. Haha...

Tc my friend. :)

ALJH Biibii

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I really hope I Noe wat u thinking.

One album gone. It just like a countdown. Sentosa. 3> I really hope I Noe wat u thinking.

ALJH

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Didt slept much.

Didt slept much. ... But at least my headache is ok le. Mind is spinning, kept on thinking. I don even think I can say I sleep.

Girl, I can feel that in your heart I am getting smaller and smaller. Like going to be gone soon. Haizz... Am I going to be out of your mind too ? Sad but wat can I do ? I try not to think too much. Just get to see your fb profile eveyday. I also don Noe when I will be getting a call or a SMS from u le.

Haizz... Maybe I am just asking too much. U still got your life. Your life and mine does't not interfere anymore.

Such a cold morning. Raining. I noe I still love u girl. I Noe u will do all these cause u are u. And I love u being u. But u are tired of me le. Maybe even all these shit I type. U also don bother too read le. Wat am I to u now ? Just a friend. And somemore u have bf now which mean I am even less valuable. Haizz... I really love your néw profile pic. U really look beautiful. From my heart.

Sleep tight girl. I miss u.

ALJH regrets and more regrets.

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Insomnia

Insomnia

Can't sleep. Kept on thinking of her again. Just change her proile pic. Damn beautiful. Hope that she would be mine. :( haizz... This is so torturing. Zzz...

Even with headache and muscle ache, tiredness still can't make me sleep man. So many thoughts and so many question.

I had been 18 days le. But nothing change for me. She is still running in my mind. Haizz... Think so much. But got use mah? Now my name is bunk is call emo king. WTF. It just no mood wat. Everybody clear off. Only left me. Tml more worse, left me and zr. Guard duty. Zzz... But I go home also don Noe wat to do.

I have 2 thoughts currently. One is that this is just a test for me from her. Which most probably not possible. Secondly is that, she don have feeling for me le, that y she didt ask me to wait and continue to move on. But I hope this is not true. I really pray and wish that is not true. ... ... Y didt she ask me wait ? And who did she write to on fb? Wait for her. Haizz...

I can see that her bf also change profile pics. Both of them shld went for sushi. Something in her just can't change. Wonder how long I have not eaten sushi le. Zzz...

Sick and emo. Maybe I shld pop some med to let me sleep bah. At least when I sleep I may be happier for dreaming of her. ... ... How I wish that I really have the teleport skill. Zzz... See her sleeping face then jiu go back camp.

Hope that she is fine and healthy.

ALJH badly missing her...

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Destiny

Destiny

Today went for ippt. Barely get a silver. Everything is tiring. But have to do it, if not have to book in early till get silver. Pushing myself to my limit. The only station I like is sit up. Cause when I lie down, I see the sky. The blue blue sky, cloud slowly floating pass. Thinking of u again. Tears just flow out, but I make it like I yawn. Zzz... Hoping tat we can just lie down on a field and just watch the sky one day. Till night so your favorite moon and stars will come out.

Everyday seem to pass so slow. Nothing to do, just thinking of u. Friends calling emo, ask me eat ask me go gym. But I just don have the feel.

Later still have to recieve punishment. I hear it is SOL. Zzz... It mean I am charge. My ord booklet will be written there. Losing my cfc chance. And still kana blacklisted. No matter where I go, pri sch, sec sch, ite now even Ns. Everywhere I go, I will kana something like this. WTF... Is this my life ? I am not a kid anymore. Luckly this does not have to inform parent. I don wan my mum to worry for me anymore.

Was flipping your fb page once I reach bunk. No update, still trying to understand why and who do u write to. Wait for me... I'll be there... Give me some time to reach there... Is this for your bf ? So good, it mean u will slowly give him your hundred percent ? Haizz... Click your bf fb too. See your comments. All his reply are so short. Is he like this ? No passion in comment ? Does he treat u like this too in real life ? I wonder. And u can put u are engage to him. But he did not put anything. Did he put private so to let u see only ? Y he don dare to show others ? He shld be proud. Zzz... Curse and swear but so watt ? I guess maybe I have did to u before too bah. So many bad things that I have done to u. I already don noe le. But so watt, I am jealous of this guy now. He did not Noe that he got a treasure. Fk man.

I hate myself for not be able to be fierce enough, maybe I am fiercer things won't end out this way ? I am weak... Just I love u is not enough. :(:(:( my face everyday is :( or :/ . I already don Noe how to :). Even I show ppl, it is a fake :$. Maybe it is my destiny bah.

I remember tat my only reason that keep u with me is tat I can make u laugh. Now after break le, I notice tat actually since a long time ago, when I use to write diary, I have actually find out tat that my destiny is to make the ppl around me laugh. That why I call myself a clown. Cause that is wat they do. And after all the laughter, ppl just continue their life. But nobody cares about the clown. That y a clown can than so many things. Lol. Stupid logic. But that is how I feel about me. Things can be so clear sometime but sometime things can be so confusing.

Don Noe wat to type le. Maybe continue at night bah. I wonder I can continue like this for how many days man. Zzz... Turn out coming soon. Sain, Friday guard duty. Zzz...

ALJH miss u girl.

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My 2 most valueable things in my life.

Bad day

Bad day

I saw shooting stars, I saw full rainbow. I even drive in between rainbow. So why am I so umlucky till now. Is it i wish for too much ? Is it my personality ? Am I really a bad guy ? Did I do alot of bad things. I noe I am a lousy lover, so I got my punishment le. Isn't tat enough ? Is it something I say ? Or I did ?

Or am I helping my mum taking all her bad things. Haizz... If that is real, I don mind, I don wan my mum to operate anymore le. My mum did not have a good life since I was born. So many shit here and there. Maybe I am unlucky bah. How my mum overcome those man.

How am I going to overcome these now ? I really wonder. I am alive but I am barely breathing now. So please I really hope please at least u one shot give me all this shit man. So one all these shit pass, luck will come back bah.

Listening to " rainbow " now. So real man. Did jay happen all these shit ? How can lyrics of song can be so real in life? Crying cannot solve a thing but at least it can make me feel better. Screaming hurt my throat, at least I can release stress. Not eating hurt my stomach, at least I don't puke, cause it hurt more. My heart hurts alot, but at least all those mistake and regrets will be bring along with me on my life. Trying to look at the brighter side. Giving excuse to myself again and again. But how long can I take this ?

I Noe that I have no chance with her le. So why now regret ? Why I did not give her my best ? Maybe I don suit her ? But I love her. Love can overcome all kind of problem isn't it ? But why is it so contridicting ? I want her back. But it is not just my side. So wat if I hold on yet she move on ? So wat if I slowly disappear from her mind and I am still here ? So wat if she found the right one for her ?

Lol, I still remember u wrote it in your blog. I won't think any " wat if " le, dear I only Noe i love u. Lol, yet now we swap places now. Now is I wat if now.

My punishment ? I think yes bah. Take it like a man, but I am not a man anymore le. Thinking so much everyday , typing so much everyday. Y am I so problemactic man?

I miss those good days when I can say good night to her. Hear her voice before I sleep. See her smile, feel her warmth and hugs. Piniching me in the chest, holding my hand, wispher in my ears. Showing all the changes she make, she everything she bought, telling me everything she done. How much I hope she can look at me again. Hoe much I hope I can turn back time ?

I Noe this guy let her feel secure. But I feel insecure. So wat ? She is not mine le. She changes, changing to wat she wanted to do. She does't wan to waste her time le, she does't wan to wait le. But now I am waiting. But she does't ask me to wait. So chances is, I may be waiting for nothing. I Noe it in my heart, but y can't I stop myself to do it ? Is it the love ? Is it wat I promise her before ? Is it that I wan to prove to her something ?

We are like the closest stranger now. At least she treat me as a friend, at least she still call me when she miss me. At least I can still see her face in my phone. See wat she type when she use my phone. Hear her voice when she called me. But I am not her love one anymore. How badly that I wan to break this relationship now. Bad influence. But so wat ? He can give her wat I can't give. Pinned down flat by his cigreate butt. Feel the shame.

I actually am a little proud for myself. I can type for 2 whole hours, all my thoughts for today. But is my post same as the post i writen everyday ? I hope not bah. I write this down. So I can remind myself, wat kind of a loser am I. How unapperciating am I to her? Thought that she won't leave right ? Haha serve me right ? U got served asshole. Laughing at my ownself, isn't this fun. Merging both of myself together. Worse combo ever. Haizz...

So wat I got so much thing to write ? Nothing gotta change. So just slap my own face, see wat is front of me now, and do everything one step at a time bah. Firstly will be tml, charge by sir. Don Noe is it SOL or extra. Haizz... Hope is not sol bah. Secondly I must do something to my body. Weaker and weaker but I keep on straining myself. I cannot fever every night mab. This is wrong. Zzz... Gotta get some real sleep if possible. Thirdly shld be decide wat am I going to do bah. Haha...

Hope I type so long u won't read it. Lol, Now is cao ge de song, lol. Really bring back memories man. At least this is a cheerful song.

ALJH in my heart always.

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Worst days of my Ns life.

Worst days of my Ns life.

Zzz... Gf gone. Now I will be charged by my sir. Because of my camera phone. Best man. Some more cannot send arms. Doing guard duty on public holiday. Sick and sick. Depress plus depress and depress.

Nothing to say about my life Liao. Sway till siao sia. Worst to fking worst. Thks to god. Luckly I never worship u sia. Wat is happening to me man ? Y did all this have to happen now ? Wat karma did I do ?? Am I such a lousy guy. Zzz...

Tiring, sick, depress... U better one time everything give me la. Knn. Don drag or wat. I lose her already, wat kind of fk shit can I still get ??

Aljh why ?

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Blue blue sky.

Aiyah, I guess that was not for me. Just saw u spamming to your bf page. Nb. Thinking too much again. Y u treat him so good. Engage to him. Not fair. When u with me, u only put in a relationship nia. Zzz... Sadded.

Aljh I am like a viZard.

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Y is the sky so blue ?

Lol, don Noe wether it a hint anot? But I just take it bah. Haha, who ask me to be so stupid. :):) I will wait if u meant tat for me. I just hope u don act tough in front of me k. If u need me just call me. Even if I book out, I am only 5 mins away from u k. :):) ask u sleep early Liao. 3 plus still fb-ing. Stupid girl. Enjoy your days bah. Can't wait for your next call. :):)

Aljh

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Thks for the truth.

Thks for the truth. Although the truth hurts. But I will take it. Thks. Sleep tight.

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At least I don pain as much anymore

Conculsion

Girl, I don Noe when will u call me again or wat. And I think u may be staying at your bf house.

But I really glad u call me. I Noe we still have the connection. I have stop thinking le. I Noe my heart still love u. And I will take a bet, to wait for u. I don Noe wat u thinking or wat but this is wat I have though.

I just hope that u can stop doing things to worry your parent. I am the one shld be getting the punishment not them. Please think for them k.

I don Noe wat u doing is because u wan to try new stuffs or purely revenge, but I will be here waiting. So maybe one day, u have enough fun le. I hope u can come back to me. We will start all over again. But I hope u can try not to break my heart again.

I really love u.
Please don be reckless.

Aljh, I hope u did not tell him tat u love him.

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I need more...