Bad day

Bad day

I saw shooting stars, I saw full rainbow. I even drive in between rainbow. So why am I so umlucky till now. Is it i wish for too much ? Is it my personality ? Am I really a bad guy ? Did I do alot of bad things. I noe I am a lousy lover, so I got my punishment le. Isn't tat enough ? Is it something I say ? Or I did ?

Or am I helping my mum taking all her bad things. Haizz... If that is real, I don mind, I don wan my mum to operate anymore le. My mum did not have a good life since I was born. So many shit here and there. Maybe I am unlucky bah. How my mum overcome those man.

How am I going to overcome these now ? I really wonder. I am alive but I am barely breathing now. So please I really hope please at least u one shot give me all this shit man. So one all these shit pass, luck will come back bah.

Listening to " rainbow " now. So real man. Did jay happen all these shit ? How can lyrics of song can be so real in life? Crying cannot solve a thing but at least it can make me feel better. Screaming hurt my throat, at least I can release stress. Not eating hurt my stomach, at least I don't puke, cause it hurt more. My heart hurts alot, but at least all those mistake and regrets will be bring along with me on my life. Trying to look at the brighter side. Giving excuse to myself again and again. But how long can I take this ?

I Noe that I have no chance with her le. So why now regret ? Why I did not give her my best ? Maybe I don suit her ? But I love her. Love can overcome all kind of problem isn't it ? But why is it so contridicting ? I want her back. But it is not just my side. So wat if I hold on yet she move on ? So wat if I slowly disappear from her mind and I am still here ? So wat if she found the right one for her ?

Lol, I still remember u wrote it in your blog. I won't think any " wat if " le, dear I only Noe i love u. Lol, yet now we swap places now. Now is I wat if now.

My punishment ? I think yes bah. Take it like a man, but I am not a man anymore le. Thinking so much everyday , typing so much everyday. Y am I so problemactic man?

I miss those good days when I can say good night to her. Hear her voice before I sleep. See her smile, feel her warmth and hugs. Piniching me in the chest, holding my hand, wispher in my ears. Showing all the changes she make, she everything she bought, telling me everything she done. How much I hope she can look at me again. Hoe much I hope I can turn back time ?

I Noe this guy let her feel secure. But I feel insecure. So wat ? She is not mine le. She changes, changing to wat she wanted to do. She does't wan to waste her time le, she does't wan to wait le. But now I am waiting. But she does't ask me to wait. So chances is, I may be waiting for nothing. I Noe it in my heart, but y can't I stop myself to do it ? Is it the love ? Is it wat I promise her before ? Is it that I wan to prove to her something ?

We are like the closest stranger now. At least she treat me as a friend, at least she still call me when she miss me. At least I can still see her face in my phone. See wat she type when she use my phone. Hear her voice when she called me. But I am not her love one anymore. How badly that I wan to break this relationship now. Bad influence. But so wat ? He can give her wat I can't give. Pinned down flat by his cigreate butt. Feel the shame.

I actually am a little proud for myself. I can type for 2 whole hours, all my thoughts for today. But is my post same as the post i writen everyday ? I hope not bah. I write this down. So I can remind myself, wat kind of a loser am I. How unapperciating am I to her? Thought that she won't leave right ? Haha serve me right ? U got served asshole. Laughing at my ownself, isn't this fun. Merging both of myself together. Worse combo ever. Haizz...

So wat I got so much thing to write ? Nothing gotta change. So just slap my own face, see wat is front of me now, and do everything one step at a time bah. Firstly will be tml, charge by sir. Don Noe is it SOL or extra. Haizz... Hope is not sol bah. Secondly I must do something to my body. Weaker and weaker but I keep on straining myself. I cannot fever every night mab. This is wrong. Zzz... Gotta get some real sleep if possible. Thirdly shld be decide wat am I going to do bah. Haha...

Hope I type so long u won't read it. Lol, Now is cao ge de song, lol. Really bring back memories man. At least this is a cheerful song.

ALJH in my heart always.

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