Me... The lousy asshole...

Inpatient, jealous, disappointed, pessimistic, angry, sad, blank, lost, worried.. So many feelings and thoughts. Killing me, scaring me, haunting me. But I have to be patient and wait. I an only blame myself. For being so overconfident... Again and again. I know this ia not my first time like this. Why do I always have to do these stupid thing everytime ? And ruin my chance. Zzz... Am I really that slow and stupid ?? Zzz... I am like throwing u away and away. And I am so stupid, there are times when u are actually trying to comfort me, but I just reject u because of my lousy mood. Haizz... Really ? Am I really not worthy of u girl?

Doing so many stuff today, parade, guitar, nights out, steal toilet roll from mo, buy Chinese new year decoration for my bunk, play psp, watch hawi o 5, so many stuff. But time just pass so slow. I can't sleep or rest. My thought is just why am I so weak? Do I really deserve you? Zzz...

I miss u girl. Miss your face, your smooth skin, miss your smell, the touch of your hair, your body warmth. Haizz... Even though u are comfortable when u are with me, but i can't give u the gentlemen ess of a boyfriend to u. I can't think of so much things tat I can do with u, yet everytime when I am with u, I just didt do it. Stupid me or wat ? Zzz...

God gave me a chance to have u back, yet I throw the chance back. Zzz... This is crazy... God shld give me more pain and hurt first before he give me back u. So tat I won't be tat over confident or wat. Fk man... How I hope u can slap me, and just hit whack me. Till I really get hurt and get your pain.

Are u back yet ? At home. Another night of staring at the window, at the orange sky. Just like tat night when I just lost u, when I just book in after wallaby. Eveything back to square 1 again. Or even worse. I make u feel like drinking again. And I am worried of u. I Noe I have no control on u now. But I just wan u to be safe. Tat is all i ask.

I shld just think more... more of me first. Then us. But I just miss u tat lots. At least find a way to solve or change my bad habits firsst. Before anything goes wrong again. Zzz...

Sent from my iPhone