D!cknity

Speechless

2011-04-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

Speechless

It seem that u are determined to move on. I have nothing to stop u. Helpless but it your choice. So gotta respect it. I know what kind of person u are. So so be it bah.

I will do what I still believe in. So let see what time will do in our future. Never judge a book by it cover.

ALJH

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A girl asked her boyfriend, : "if love is full of pain, why do we always fall in love." Her boyfriend answered, : "We fall in love again and again because we know that Underneath all is pain there is happiness. "

2011-04-08T07:11:00.000-07:00

A girl asked her boyfriend, : "if love is full of pain, why do we always fall in love." Her boyfriend answered, : "We fall in love again and again because we know that Underneath all is pain there is happiness. "

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2011-04-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

Now and then.

2011-04-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

Now and then.

There is so much and question I wanted to do and asked. But now, I really don't know which one should I do.

Girl, I have been trying hard, ever since we broke up. Don count the Christmas in k. :( I have been desperately wanting u back. And trying my best to show u the better me. And even when there are other competition wooing u, I also dont mind giving u suggestion for your courtship with them. Waiting and waiting for each guy to fail. And finally, I thought that I have a chance, I haven even do much thing, u told me that we are impossible. And how am I suppose not to be sad ?

I am sure u have see my changes, I am sure u can feel my strong feelings for you. All the things i have done to win u back, and it just need one day. One day to spoil and ruin my months of hardwork. It like, I thought finally I have climb out of this hole, with all my tears, blood and sweat. And in the end, u kick me back into the hole. And this time is more worse. I break my legs.

The things I want, I really will put in effort to get it. Not just u girl. So y you just see all my bad deeds again ? I know I am all wrong. But that is all last time, right ? I changed ? Right ? Even during the breakup, I also still trying to create good memories for us during this period of time. So why ?

I know u didt ask me to wait for you, you ask me to move on. But after I done these things for us, all I want is being recognize and a chance. But u can't even tell me that maybe we next time got chance. U just ask me to move on. Do u know how that feels ? Am I really that suck to the core till I can't even turn the tides now ?

I already don't know what to say. And I dont know what can I give to u. Cause I don't know what u need anymore. Or maybe u don't even need me anymore bah. Haha, I can imagine u whacking my head when u read this. I dont wana to be just a friend. I want to be wanted. tell me that I am being needed.

As days goes by, There will be more guys that wanting to know u and jio u. Club or what. I just hope u will really think through before u want to get serious with any of them. I don't want to see u doing the same mistake.

Girl, u think, if I want to be with u again, I shld do better this time and rather then doing the same mistakes bah. Right ? If I can't even control and do the same mistakes to u, then What for I win u back man ? Ad what for i have been waiting for u and doing so many things to win u back ? And I am not those revenge guy k. Was really upset when u told me that u scare that I was those revenge type. So I do so much things just to revenge. That is fucking stupid.
or girl, u can't take me seriously and thought all the things I do was just a joke ?

For now, i really don noe what i can do And I will just stay by a corner then. And just wait. Maybe one day, after all my waits. I get a chance to prove myself again. And girl, when u have the courage to step into our relationship again. Tell me k. Cause I will be ready for you. :):)

ALJH

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Facts...

2011-03-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

Facts...

The truth is, I still love u alots. And nothing can do to lessen it or wat. Guess it will take time bah. But I myself noe tat, we might not be together again. Even I still love u, u will never be the same girl I once love so much. And I am not the one anymore.

Just hope that u are happy. That is all that matters. And don't say let fate do the job. Fate can do what ? When the human is not even trying at all ? Fuck fate man.

I will still be here, holding the name ALJH. Remember our 5evers. And maybe time might bury us into history. And let it be forgotten or put in a corner where nobody will noe.

And fk god man. Don let bj suffer the same things man. He is not even half a bad ass like me. So stop it, I will take his burden if I had too. Fk u god. _|_ now I noe why I never want to believe in you.

Who noes, maybe I might still have a chance. And I don't want to be your bro man. That is like the worst case scenario.

20 days for kl ? 9 years for me ? Lol.

One life one chance.
No pain no gain.

Y am i still so optismistic ? :):) crazy ass...

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Long day,,,

2011-02-25T04:07:00.000-08:00

Guess u will be SMS kl and tell him I piss u off bah. Very tired... Morning run, then walk so far to mrt from safti then go tattoo shop. Haven rest at all. Fking blur. And I noe that u make u angry, cause I am so tired. ... I just gotta suck it up bah. Really want to chat with u till u reach airport. But it seem that I have ruin everything. And hearing things that I don wana hear just make me hard to concentrate. So u are happy cause u have Yvonne toy ? ... ... Things are happening faster then I can cope now. Guess I have to grab some rest now, before I cock up again bah. Just hope that you are healthy. :)

ALJH

Np,Ng

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Thks...

2011-02-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

Thks...

I am glad, that " I " pulled myself awake. And manage to see the message. Maybe this is fate bah. :):) kl is like wl. So easily change target. Zzz...

Sleep tight my lazy girl. See la, lie on floor till fever Liao. Better tc of yourself. Missing u le girl. Sweet dreams k. :)

ALJH 5ever. I will and want to tale care of u 5ever. :):)

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2011-02-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

Bad feeling...

2011-02-04T10:22:00.000-08:00

Bad feeling...

Girl, thks for spending your day with me. I enjoy it alot. I hope u enjoy too. As in really happy. Not just want to pity me then tell me de.

Got this really bad feeling. I am
Afraid after this night, u are already attached le. Maybe I am right ? Maybe I am Wrong. He had been taking that both of u together le, you say u will be taking slow. But I noe u girl, if he do the right thing tonight. Hold your hand, send u back home. Kiss u on your cheek or lips. U will be attached by tml.

But of course I hope that tonight he say something wrong, or do something wrong. And u noe that both of u are not fit to be together. But as current situation , it shld the other way round bah. I have no confident of myself. Of course. Cause I noe u are tired of me le. Everytime giving chance an wait. But I just keepnon never give wat u want. It is all my fault. How I hope time can stop. Just today, or just reverse to today morning again and just restart the day.

Haizz... Did I do well today ? Do I earn myself a delay or a chance or nothing. I ask myself and I wonder. Crap. Feel like crap now. Feel like laughing out loud, laugh at myself. Feel like taking bino and see u walking home anot, wether he sending u back anot. I won't be waiting at your place le. I can't do tat all the time. I won't be riding my bike around seng kang and see where u all slack. Cause u and candy might already not at sk le. Going other places, that y u get to meet kl. Thinking lots of shit again.

Let see how many is right and how many is wrong k.

Will tml be better? Will u wake up and enjoy my day again ? Or just a new start in my life again? It is so happening man. My current life. Haha...

ALJH. Hoping everything is going the way I want it. :(:( expect the unexpected. ... Zzz ...

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So sorry...

2011-02-02T03:07:00.000-08:00

So sorry...

Girl, I am so sorry k. I noe I am forcing things to happen. But I am glad that I did it. Cause I get to go out with you. Spend time with you. I just don't want to wait for things to happen le. But I promise u that I wont do it everytime k. I am really desperate, that y I did it. I am sorry k. Really got a bad feeling, maybe is that u are going to kl soon bah. But I already don't give a damn le. I will wait for you. Even though u think tat I am stupud. But I don't care. Cause at least I noe that, if I wait I still have hope. If I let go now, I will never have the chance le. Soon, don blame me k. Cause I really love u girl. ;);)

ALJH 5ever. ;);) No real pain, No real gain.

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Not good...

2011-02-01T04:03:00.000-08:00

Not good...

Having a bad feeling now. Guess tonight will not be a good one. Just a hunch. Maybe is because I am feverish now bah. But fk it man. I just hope this is a good night. So I can continue to woo u. Miss u damn badly. Crazy about u girl.

ALJH 5ever. <3

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No calls...

2011-01-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

No calls...

As expected, really no phone calls. Haizz... My heart is like a bomb. Pounding so hard, till I can hear it. Every minute, every sec seem to be slower then ever. Every phone ring, every vibration startle me. Waiting for the one and only contact. Yet I was just waiting for nothing. Raining the whole day, finally stopping now. So cold yet so warm. My heart and brain is there, yet empty. Can't concentrate on anything. Even sleep. What have I become, I ask myself. Once, confident and optimistic. Now, weak, lost , confuse and afraid. Jealousy is killing me, thinking of the worst ending that can ever happen.

Yet my heart is there asking me, pushing me. Not to give up. A small light in my heart, there supporting my whole body. Photos that we taken, flashes in my mind. All the happiness just come flowing in me. Missing the time, when I just watch the SMS u send me. And smiling. Thinking of u. Thinking wat are u doing? What are u wearing? What new things happen in your life? Thinking of u, hoping u thinking of me too.

Blaming myself, for not doing better. Losing you, losing to another guys, losing your feelings. Never do well before wallaby, never do well on wallaby, never do well after wallaby. Last but but least, not doing well on Christmas. Now, wat am I to u. I don ever noe. Hoping that everything will be back like last time. But it ain't gona happen. Isn't it ? God, I can control my life. Yet I am not controlling well. Biggest regret ? Losing u. Hope ? Not to lose u fully, and get u back. I noe I cam be better and I only want you to have the best of me.

Wishing to noe wat u are thinking. Hoping that i am in your mind now.

Just hope that u are sleeping well and tight. Feel healthy too. I am sorry girl. I am no bad boy, I can't even think of finding a new girl and move on, and forget about you. I rather wait there, Hoping that u will come back. I noe i am stupid, but I rather be stupid and wait there. So when u really need someone there. I will be there for u. I noe I am not there for u when u need me sometimes. Saying the wrong things everytime. But in my heart, I just want to care for u. And really love u with my heart. I noe I am just a simple guy, wanting a simple life. And you always adventures, trying new things, following your dreams. If that is wat u want? I don mind following you, cause I only want to be there with you. At every important point in your life. With you only. So please girl. Come back to me. Look at me once again. Look at out pictures, and tell me that I am still in your heart. I am weak, but all I need, is your helping hand. So please pull me, and let me be by your side. :):)

Sweet dreams.

ALJH 5ever.

All my pain is worth it. Just hope tat you will like it girl. :)

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??

2011-01-28T09:38:00.000-08:00

Can I even trust these reading ? Am I really thinking too much ? Or I am trying too hard ? Or I am not trying enough ? And not caring enough ? Wat is wat ? Zzz...

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2011-01-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

2011-01-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

All wrong...

2011-01-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

All wrong...

My tarots card reading ask me to be calm for today.

And did I do the right thing ? Tell me girl. Today just SMS-ing you only. Did I do right ? We didt talk in phone at all and our SMS is short and quick. And I don even noe wether u finish your project already anot.

What did I do wrong ? When and why ? I shld not ask u wether wat time u end sch today? All I want, is to noe and plan. Noe wether I can meet u anot and plan with my bookout timing. And everything just goes wrong after that SMS ? When u reach home yesterday before sleeping. We are still ok. Right ? Or am
I too overconfidence again ? We just get to meet one weekend a everything just turn back to square one. Again ? Wat did I do wrong this time ? Tell me please. U are avoiding me. No calls, short SMS and no meet ups.

So now, everything is one sided ? So are u telling me that your feelings is fading again?

Y am I upset ? Cause I really want to put in effort, and I don't get to show you. And am I really forcing you to meet me ? Since when ? Is wat is say ? Or wat I text then is gu lan ? U gotta tell me girl.

With you now like this. I can't talk to u, or even text to u about this. Cause we will only end up back to square one. Or even worse. U gotta let me try and not let me die. Or is your feelings fading away. Till is gone soon ? So all the talking before the chalet and the weekend we spent is all nothing ?

What is in your mind ? U gotta tell me. Let me noe. I feel very lonely here. Is like I am alone. Waiting for someone, but actually is all my I imagination.

Girl, am I somebody in your heart ? Or a nobody ?

So many problems... My bro, my camp mates. The hk trip. But all I wan is to settle our relationships first. All I want to get u back first. That all I want and need.

Girl, I ask u one question k. When u look at our photos, how do you feel? Just ans me this k. I have my ans. But I want to hear yours.

Oh god, when then I can prove to you, show to you that I care ? All the goals I set, and the deadline I made. All is bullshit. My calculations can't win fate.
I losing faith. Will u be there to hold my hand ? Can I reach out for you hand ? I hate cold and dark places.

This sucks. I want to noe your thoughts. Is there a 5ever for us? U are losing faith too ? Right?

ALJH. <3 u girl. Swear to god and cross my heart.

I just want my fairytale to end with a " and they live happily ever after ".

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What is wrong ?

2011-01-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

What is wrong ?

What is wrong this week ? I have a good start, but why is it ending like this ? I feel that I am actually a somebody, in your heart. But because of a question, asking what time u free. I become a nobody. I felt that we are doing great? How and why does it happen ? And my friends? What is wrong man. Soccer game goes wrong, friends saying I pang sei. Doing last minute guard duty now.

Everything is wrong. I am not blaming anybody. Or scolding the god. Just wanting to noe where goes wrong? What I done? What have I say?

I don't to be like dou. Self pity. Zzz... Bastard.

Being a jack of all trades is really a somebody and a nobody.
I get it now. I am somebody to my friends. But I am a nobody cause I don't have a best friend. I don't even feel that I can talk to you girl. Don noe y, is my life boring? When I feel to tell something that happen in my life, u just don't wan to hear it. I don noe y. I really want to learn how to read someones mind. Guessing and follow your feeling is bring u no where pal.

Everyone want comfort, but nobody is willing to give it. Jr, ben, weiting, gabriel, etc. Get to see the darker side of man. I am one too, knowing my weakness, yet I can't overcome it. Is it I am too weak ? Or I don have the self discipline and determination ? Zzzz... If I have a older bro or sister jiu Hao. Zzz... I always need guidance. Zzz... Hate myself. Argh...

But life gotta move one, time is not waiting. Cause I am not able to live forever...

Can I be your somebody permanently and not a nobody.

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Am I ? Nobody.

2011-01-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

Am I ? Nobody.

Am I back to square one again ? Or is just that I am trying too hard? I really force u to meet me mah ? Am I giving u pressure? I am not thinking for you again ?

I just want to meet u, on your free time. I am not asking u to skip classes or don't do project and ask you come to meet me. I never say u can't go to your gathering. Girl, to u, am I really that not understanding ?

I really wan you to finish your project too, always see u last minute rush and stuff. Really dont like it. I know u are always lazy, and now u want to do your project, how would I want to stop u girl ? And your family gathering. I understand your family always have gathering during the cny period. And I never asking u not to attend. I noe that this kind of gathering is a must show face thing. I just feel sad for not able to meet u as much this weekend. Bit I never force u girl. Is my SMS or the way I talk to you very gui lan ? I don't even noe I sound like this. :(:( I am not being possessive girl. I noe that I am not your bf yet, and u are changing, you need more time to meet your friends, and u have a tight shedule this year, espically this month and the following month. Because of your final year exams and your project. You want to achieve your goals, and having a bf is not priority now. So I shld not be possessive and expecting u to give me your time to meet me. I noe that girl.
So if I really can't meet u, I don't mind. And if u really have a little time left, all I ask is that little time. To meet you, see you. :):) tat all I want. After every book out, see u and get charge up for book in on Sunday. I may not be your life, but girl, you are my life.

All these talking just now, it feel like, I am a nobody.

Maybe I am really a nobody now. But I want to be a somebody in your life. Am I asking too much ? Did I get sloppy again or wat ? Just tell me. Cause I can't see myself girl, only u can. So please tell me.

Lucky that I have guard duty, guess I shld head back and stone there, better then lying on bed and watch the walls.

Sleep tight girl, I just want u to be fine. If I am irritating you, then let me know k. I will distance myself. how can I woo a girl who hate me ? Sweet dreams girl. Cover blanket.

ALJH.

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2011-01-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

Girl, good luck for your test k. Hope u can make it for your test. Really enjoy my weekends alots. Gotta spend it with you. Wanted to ask u how u feel about your weekend de. But never ask. But i noe myself tat I doing so so only. I easily failed two mornings. By saying the wrong ans. I have to buck up in tat. Morning are importants, if not how to have good start for the day. Haizz... Really hope u enjoy your weekends with me. We tried two new restaurants and walk quite a long way to dobby. :):)

2011-01-23T22:06:00.000-08:00

Girl, good luck for your test k. Hope u can make it for your test. Really enjoy my weekends alots. Gotta spend it with you. Wanted to ask u how u feel about your weekend de. But never ask. But i noe myself tat I doing so so only. I easily failed two mornings. By saying the wrong ans. I have to buck up in tat. Morning are importants, if not how to have good start for the day. Haizz... Really hope u enjoy your weekends with me. We tried two new restaurants and walk quite a long way to dobby. :):)

Really can't wait to see u and meet you for my coming weekends. Hope I can do better. We going out on Saturday. Having sushi and buying present for ben. Wonder how Friday will be. But I hope will have early bookout first. :):)

I still haven get you yet. So must jia you for me. Really happy, spending my time with u. Hope u feel the same too.

ALJH 5ever. No pain, No gain.

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2011-01-21T06:34:00.000-08:00

Worried

2011-01-21T06:31:00.000-08:00

Worried

Girl, I am very worried about you. Even though u say u will recover very fast, but see u scratching your neck like this. And you trying to cough. I really felt very helpless. I really want to let you try different medicine. Med that I always take when sick. But I noe tat u won't like it. But I really really want you to feel better. Is like want to help you, yet I can only shoick you and check on you. I really feel very bad and helpless. I am thinking other ways now to help u. 凉tea don noe got use anot. If u dare to eat chinese med jiu good. Just go get the powder.

Haizz...

Girl ah, I noe u are now doubting and thinking wether I am the right one for you anot. And u are afraid that everything will go back to square one again. Girl, I will take us to the next level k. I really want you back and I really want to be the one to give u happiness. So, I want you to noe, girl. Even we cross some borders, i getting something when only I shld be your bf then can get, I will still remember that we are still not together yet and I will do my best to woo u back. My every book out spending on you only. And getting new memories for our "new " relationship. I swear, I want and will make your reading from the tarots cards truth. I really want u back to be my gf, my spouse and my wife. I want you in my life, for now and in my future. Even if u are busy in the following months so wat, if we really get together. I will still do my best to plan outings together. And make use of our free time, our offs and public holidays. I don wan to lose you anymore le. So please slowly trust me k. Let me show u and gain your trust k. I may be slow but I won't give up. Love you damn lots girl. <3

ALJH 5ever. No pain, No gain.

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Feeling...

2011-01-20T03:32:00.000-08:00

Feeling...

Am I pissing u again ? Haizz... Sad, I don wan you to feel piss. Is it because my slow and late reply? Or u are tired. Not enough sleep ? Or is my words ?

Am I trying too hard again ? Or not trying enough today?

I don wan this to happen? Wat shld i do?

I am just sloppy today. I noe it. Girl, I just wan to treat u right. And I noe u are du Lan of me
Today. I wan to pay u back. But how? Friday ?

I really felt bad. Haizz... I only can wait till tml ? Tml still have turn out. Zzz... After turnout, and other shits, I scare it will be 4 plus 5 book out again. Spoil my plan again. Really hope tml no turn out.

Faster go home bah my girl. Really miss you badly.

ALJH 5ever. :/:/

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2011-01-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

Girl, I don noe y. But I feel that we still got a tiny gap between us. Is it I thinking too much ? Or is that you are changing ? Haizz... Maybe is I thinking too much bah. Or is I doing too much again. I don wan to make u du lan or angry again. Very bad for me now.

2011-01-18T09:23:00.000-08:00

Girl, I don noe y. But I feel that we still got a tiny gap between us. Is it I thinking too much ? Or is that you are changing ? Haizz... Maybe is I thinking too much bah. Or is I doing too much again. I don wan to make u du lan or angry again. Very bad for me now.

Must be careful. I really want u back. I shld't take risk. Just do the safe and the right things.

Sleep tight girl. Hope tml will be a better day. :):) sleep tight ans sweet dreams. :):)

ALJH 5ever. No pain, No gain.

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Sleepless night 2

2011-01-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

Sleepless night 2

Girl, really glad that we are back on contact. Phones, SMS and meet up. Things seem to e going well now. Hope that keep up, and I really hope I can think a way out asap.

But I am still a little bother by the mms u send to Stan. Even u have reject him, but I still feel a bit insecure. Maybe I am still in camp. Shld be sleeping soundly now with you, yet I am thinking this stupid thing. Guess this is thinking too much. Is it ?

Really missing u badly girl. All the pics that u send me. If I can make it to photos. Or just one photos then I jiu can put on my mirror and see your face everyday le. But of course i hope I can see your real face everyday. The big eyes, your cheeks and your smooth skin. Missing everything. So many ppl wooing u, guess u also quite happy bah. Your market still quite high.

Now I just hope I can faster woo u back and make u back into the gf that once love me so much. If only I could. My bad habits, I an feel that it will come back sooner or later. Which is not good. Gotta think of a plan fast.

Sleep tight my girl, can't wait to call u in the morning. :):) sweet dreams. :):)

ALJH 5 ever. No pain, No gain.

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Can't ease my heart down.

2011-01-17T01:07:00.000-08:00

Can't ease my heart down.

I don wan to share you girl. Fk man. This feeling suck, and the weather turn cold and rain. Everything is not right at all. Fk man. I don't wan this to happen.

This is fking crazy. I can't stop thinking man. Zzz... I can't sleep, I can't play, I can't watch. I can't do anything. My mind is full of jealousy and hatred. Zzz...

Can this end asap please. Zzz... Y am I feeling more anger then sadness ? Haizz... Gotta calm down.

Everything just wait till night bah. Just hope everything is alright.

ALJH.

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2011-01-16T20:22:00.002-08:00

2011-01-16T20:22:00.001-08:00

New start

2011-01-16T20:22:00.000-08:00

Woke up early today for breakfast, but breakfast suck. Only have 3 fried scallop. Stupid man. Then eat bread. Went back to slumber.

Wake up again. For blood test at mo. Simple drawing blood, but took a long time as there is not enough medics.

Sorry girl, thought u have wake up. But it seem that u are still tired. Go rest bah. :):) finally u can rest well jiu make use bah.

U guess I am getting a bit confidence but I shld not. If not I will be back to square 1 again. And I check both horoscope and tarot cards. Both are warning me. :(:( so better don't give stun.

But in my heart, I am really afraid of Stan. Even though u never accept him or wat. But he seem to thought u are ok with the "us" thingy. Very insecure feeling, but I also can't do anything.

But I will just do my best bah. Thinking of ways to do better. So for now, won't be persisten or forceful. Just let nature take it course bah. Rest well k, girl. :):)

ALJH 5ever. No pain, no gain.

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New Goals...

2011-01-16T03:48:00.000-08:00

Really felt better after seeing you girl. Finally feel the peacefulness and feel like sleeping anywhere anytime. You really can make me calm down. I cannot think that, what if one day i really lose u forever... ... That might be the end of my life too.

Went to look for the popeye outlet in punggol. After riding one big round and checking my iphone, i finally found it near the Plant nursery. Where the temple is but much dipper in. Near the river, that is still under construction. Soon to open, i guess.

The outlet seem small, and quite alot of ppl there. I think it is quite well known there le. Really cant wait to bring you there and try the food there. Maybe the river there is open and we can go there walk walk.
While going back, saw alot of ppl flying kite. And this uncle who is flying one look at me and smile. Lol, smiled back thought. Maybe he saw i taking pics bah. And it seem that there is a carnival there. Kite day i suppose. selling kite and give freebies. But i just head home.

Now i just hoping that u have not accept stan's request and thinking of ways to prevent me to fallen to this state again. I am really scare and afraid. But i booking in, which mean 5 days to think again. I guess. Hope i can find some way. Cause i really don wan to disappoint u again le. Haizz...

But today seem to be a good day for me. As i get to meet you in the morning which make me great, and get calls from u again yesterday night. And so i check my fortune, tarot cards. and it really shock me.

Hope i can really get my happiness. and give you happiness too. ^^ Just hope u will be going home early and sleep early too. Today u shld be able to sleep bah. Really already missing you badly girl. Please take care of your health k. ^^

ALJH 5ever. No Pain, No Gain.

Sleepless night

2011-01-15T12:10:00.000-08:00

Girl, hope that you are sleep tight now. Let me take your load away from you and help you take. Sleep well and tight k.

The time now is 4.38 am. Haizz... The thought of other ppl wooing you and the probability of you accepting one of them, really is killing me. I cabt put myself to sleep. Even though you called me, but this does not ease my heart at all. So many guys, and my odds now. Everything does't seem good to me at all. I want to worked hard and prove it to you. But do i really have the chance ? I cant even pray to god. I think i can only pray to you now. Be my goddness bah.

I am full of flaw, but i am really trying my best to be flawless. So please k. May you one day be soft hearten by me bah. Girl, i promise you that i will be there for you. Remember ? I am still here. Even if i am not wat u wanted or want.

Please just look at my very long never give up spirit and keep on got the good intention to become a better bf, just please don give up me please. I know i am pathetic. But i will stand up from my mistakes, each time i fall, it only make me more understand you and get to noe the real you. Feel all your pain that i never knew i have been giving you. I told you right ? I rather feel all these pain and become a better man. For you, not for other girls. I noe i break your heart lots of time, but now i feel your pain le. And it also hurt my heart alot. The feeling of you leaving me. Hurts and pain me. But it did not break my heart girl, althought there are scars all around my heat, but it only make my skin thicker to accept more pressure and make me a better guy and not making me fragile and weaker. I can say that i have change to a different person ever since i am be with you. And i really don wan to lose you. Cause you are my way of life, my future.

I noe i am slow but i will change. i noe i have say this so many time, but i did not once say i have enough of this and give up right ? So please give me this chance k. I don need you to wait for me. Cause i noe u are a strong girl, u have lot of things and goals to accomplish too. i don wan you because of waiting for me and stopping you doing all these things k. I don wan u now to pang nan peng you or if got the chance to pang fu. I don wan to be your burden. But please just give me the chance when the time is ripe k.

Karma, so doest it mean i suffer now and enjoy later, if this is the case i don mind at all. Let me train and be perfect for you. Not just only talk, but to show you.

ALJH 5ever !! No Pain, No Gain.

2011-01-14T22:44:00.001-08:00

Here I am. Sitting here. Waiting.

2011-01-14T22:43:00.001-08:00

Here I am. Sitting here. Waiting.
Waiting for time to pass. Waiting for something to happen. Cause i can't make things happen. I can only make things worse. So boring, so irritating, so frustrating. Why did things become things become this way ? I could have meet u and be going according to way I have plan. But here I am, sitting at a stairway. Staring blankly at nothing. Seeing ppl walking around. Couples all around. Hoping tat I got this little chance to see you out here. But I Noe that this is almost hopeless. Y man ? When I am so enthuse yet I can't do anything. I want to prove to u so badly . After being with me so long. Am I really already not worth waiting ? When I finally get wat you want, you changed. I don mind changing girl. But just don leave me behind. Please don't don't care me girl. Y ? Y did things turn out to be this way ? Talk to me please girl.

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The dome, plus pinic. Bring kite. Camera.

2011-01-14T20:58:00.000-08:00

The dome, plus pinic. Bring kite. Camera.

The flyer, camera. Lunch outside. Ice cream.

Pet farm. Lunch at e hub or sushi restaurant near the cc. Catch a movie or bowling. Or go k box

Go to The central. Camera. Go to the roof. Have lunch there.

Go swimming. Or rollerblading. Go cp for lunch the wanton mee. Have dinner at the kopi Tiam downstair.

Go east coast cycling. And eat at there.

Go pulau bin cycling. Spend a day there.

Ice skating.

Go science centre. Maybe.
Go zoo.
Go bird park.

Ask about valentine day.

Remember the click. No controler to replay. So don't wait till lose le zai regret. For me is still have hope. I think.

Sent from my iPhone

In the morning...

2011-01-14T18:04:00.000-08:00

Woke up early, guess that is the best i can bah. How can someone sleep tight when his mind is full of trouble ?

Really got the urge to buy carrot cake for you girl. and ride to your place and pass it to u. Guess u are still at home now bah. 10.13am. But i got no confidence that u are ready to see me yet anot. I am afraid it will back fire. Am i chossing a right choice ? Tell me please girl.

Today really have a good weather, haizz... If we can meet, then i jiu can procced on with my plan le. Guess today can go either to the pet farm, or the dome for picnic.

All are just thoughts, but i really wan to do all. My body is better today le. But I am still thinking about us. Is this reallly the end now ? It seem so fast. Two weekend. Gone. Haizz...

Please call me when u are better or not tired of talking to me k. Please. Really need your call badly. At least let me woo u by the normal way please. Now is like i cant even move on with my plans at all. Please girl. I didt lie to you, when i say i love you girl. You are not my option girl, you are my only choice. And i always have time for you girl, it just that i never make good use of our time together. I never fooled you girl, it the truth that i love you.

At least let me do something to earn back your trust back ? Slowly. Let me prove myself.

It like talking to a way whe i type all this. But at least i can say it out. If not, i will just have too much in the head, and go hay wire. Zzz...

Please call me girl. Please. I really have things planned. i just hope i can execute my plans. So please just follow me. This is wat i want.

ALJH. No pain, No gain.

songs

2011-01-14T06:24:00.000-08:00

Thks girl, introducing me the 2 song. I have listen le. And i get the songs meaning.
Parachute and Just a dream.

Finding things to do feel sucky. But i don wan to, Even when my head is so dizzy by the cold med, zzz... Cold sweat make me so cold. How i hope u can be my side. Wat have i become girl ? can u talk to me peacefully ? this is our problem, we cant solve it together anymore ? am i getting worse ? is it really my personality ?

Girl, u have grown up. U have change and still changing. And i don noe when will u stop changing cause i really wan to chase after and become who i wan to be. If i can change to wat i am now, which is good for the " older " you. I am confident that i can change to who i wan to be, so just let me chase after u. I am slow, u don have to stop there and wait for me, just slow down k. I will catch up one day. so please be patient with me. Cause my love for you is truth. and it had never been fading at all.

I just need some pressure sometime if u find that i am too slow k. Cause i noe i am lazy, and sometime i slack away. But if i really do good can u please touch my face and kiss my forehead and tell me that i have been doing great ? I really wan to be a kid infront of you, cause only infront of u i can really show the real me. I don like the me when i am with my friends and peers and even family. Cause all infront of them, i have a different role to be. But infront of u, i am able to take down all my responsibility and be the real me.

Maybe is because of this bah, i am to keen to be love by you, that y i relied on you so much and i started to forget my boyfriend role. I am sorry that i am sloppy k. But u just have to remind me k, it time for me to love you liao. I will give u my best k. Cause u are irreplaceable. and i hate to not be able to " feel " you. Cause this sucks.

I really don wan u feel pain, unwanted and unloved girl. U noe that i have change, so y not see wat can i change to ? sometimes when i stand in your shoe, i can understand your situation, but i cant feel the pain, It like u have not tell me all. It feel like even u are curse and swearing about me on the phone, but some where u are still not saying everything. Is it ? I wan to noe everything about you girl. Please.

Call me when u feel better k. Please.

Waiting patiently

2011-01-14T02:31:00.000-08:00

Things are really going wrong in our relationship. And i noe that we are going to no way. Cause i never ask for patch and i never make any effort to woo u back. I noe u haven been sleeping well lately, solving friends problem too.

I really noe tat i am doing this at a wrong timing. And how much u have hated me as u had given me chances and chances. Square 1 , Square and square 1. I am sick and tired of the aquare le. I noe tat u are tired of it too. So i have seriously sit on my bed and think of a way, to procced on to " square 2 ". If not, we are going to no way and u are tired of waiting le.

My main problems are lazy, all say no do, not caring enough, not romantic enough, selfish, insensetive and inpatient. So i have think of a way, like a formula for me to follow with, so that i can use and follow wat i want and wanted to do, and make sure that i will do wat i say. And one more thing is that i will noe how do i do that day. I noe our problem is always " small matters " Stacking over another. Till it is big and unable to cover anymore. So before evey night, i send u home. I will ask u how i did during tat day. And i will note it down, good or bad, and wat is the problem that day. So i have a records of all my wrong doings and i can remind myself, wat thing to be change, or do better. Using my i phone. Cause i will be using my phone everyday.

That is my first plan, self reminder. Secondly, i noe that our problem is that, in our love life. It is too boring le. Everytime stay at home. Doing nothing but watching show and sleep. I noe i am always the lazy one, always lazy to go out and plus forgeting wat we planned, that we want to do. U are bored, and u are changing now. And u really wan to get a life. Clubbing, night life, at night go for supper and stuffs. So i have planned out a list of things that we once have said that we wanted to do and wrote it down on my iphone le. although it jsut a draft. But i seriosusly think the whole process through from the start i pick u from your home and stuff and continue the whole trip till the end. I really put my heart into the palnning and will make it even better. And i have make it a rule that every book out, i will bring u out for at least one day. As now friday is half day for me. I can make good use of saturdays and sundays. So The whole planning formula, i think i can make it better. I noe that u wont wan to think of me for the coming days, so i will make use the time to think of a better way to excute each task.

I have really tired of my own excuses, And i myself noe tat i am lazy. It like the death penaltym Knowing wat is wrong, yet i still kept on doing. I noe u are changing girl. But i really hope that one day, u can change back into the girl that hold me that tight and never let me go. And the only way to achieve that, is to doing to same thing to you. Give u my best. So i can recieve your best too. You may think that all the thing i type are crap bah. But all i wan is just a date k, to let me prove that i actually is putting my heart and soul to plan these things and prove it to u that the date will be awesome, and that i am really wanting to woo u back. I have feel the pain before le. And that is gona stop. Only i hold on to my future, and i dont wan to regret next time. I wan to live my life to the fullest, Just like wat u say, Love like tml is going to be the last day.

For now i will not disturb u k. I noe u really need the time, and i cant rush anything too. And i really have to get well asap. Bad to worst. I really wonder when then can i contact u. Or will u contact me ? how i hope we can still talk on phone and noe wat u have doing during the days. Fianlly get wat i want !! But i just let it go. I must take it back and hold it tight, i swear. Till my last day, cause i noe that. Seriously girl, You are the one. And i am glad that i get to noe u during that valentine day. U are seriously my only valentine. Hope u can just let me prove to u k. I am really doing and planning things for myself. All those bad and lousy habits gotta change or go.

May god bless me.

ALJH. No Pain, No Gain.

How?

2011-01-13T09:07:00.000-08:00

How?

How can i woo u back? When I can't SMS you as much ? Can't talk on the phone with u ? Can't meet u during my bookouts ? Tell me please.

How can I sleep ? After 2 days of waiting , our converstation was just like this.

I hate tat I lie to my parents and friends. I can't share or tell my feelings to anyone... This is worse.

I am hungry and so hot. So lazy to eat. Zzz... Shld eat my meals. Zzz... y can't I just eat ? Zzz...

Sympathy ? Yes I need. Help ? Yes I need. But who can give me ?

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2011-01-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

I can't scream, I can't shout, I wan pain and I wan to see blood. No more 忍. I wan to vent this anger. Wat can I do, can someone tell me. Ccb. This is maddness. _|_ I cannot revenge, I must find another way to vent it out. No more cry or tears. This is different. This feel fk up man. _|_ ahhhh........ Deep breath does't help !!! I won't call you, I don't want to look weak in front of u any more. This is stupid and redunden. Fk la.

I hate to be me, wat have I become? Is this the best I could ? I shld change now. If not, just let me had a big bang in my head, and let me forget everything. Let me restart everything for me. This is so painful, all those bad dreams, bad feeling, images of you clubbing, knowing new guys, drinking clubbing. I Noe u, but u have change. So I don Noe u le. Letting me Noe new girls? ask me go clubbing? Playboy ?since when I have been playing girls feelings, have flings all around. I noe myself. Zzz... So I am like this ? In your mind ? This is so painful. Salts on wound. I don have u anymore for support. I can only stand up. And it time for me to choose. No more Wishy washy. Fk la. This is so fasturting... I need time to pass fast, everything is too slow le. Zzz... ...

I have to plan everything. Zzz...
I am still me, can't let anger overcome me. Zzz... Love can't do anything at all now. Zzz... I won't tell anyone. I must depend on myself. Zzz... Like my older self. So much thing, so much responsibility. This feeling suck. Thoughts and thoughts.

Fk facebook, fk twitter. _|_

U regret telling u my thoughts. My dream. My feeling. All these thing back fire me. Making me more and more far away from u. I won't and don wan to lose u anymore. I will just zip my mouth. And think and work to win u back first.

If I still lose to other guys again. Then I will have to wake up my idea le. Zzz...

I hate losing...

Aljh. No pain, no gain.

Sent from my iPhone

2011-01-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

Seem like the cards are right. Guess I have to believe it bah. For now, I will have to get well first bah. Really high temp. Zzz... ... Guess the tiger is not a good year bah. Or I can't even blame that. I shld only blame myself. Fk it la. Feel like smoking man...

STRESS

... ...

I think I have to more things to feel new pain bah. Zzz... Tatoo bah...

Haha... Stupid, u are always selfish tat y u lose her. Lazy ass, u don even worthy of her. She will find a better guy and move on. U will just emo there and rot.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....… fk la.

Ccb.

NO MORE FKING CARE BEAR !!!!

_|_ _|_

Take it like a man ass....

Aljh

Sent from my iPhone

2011-01-13T07:25:00.000-08:00

Tarot card

2011-01-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

Tarot card

Let see wether is the tarot card reading is truth... ...

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2011-01-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

Me... The lousy asshole...

2011-01-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Inpatient, jealous, disappointed, pessimistic, angry, sad, blank, lost, worried.. So many feelings and thoughts. Killing me, scaring me, haunting me. But I have to be patient and wait. I an only blame myself. For being so overconfident... Again and again. I know this ia not my first time like this. Why do I always have to do these stupid thing everytime ? And ruin my chance. Zzz... Am I really that slow and stupid ?? Zzz... I am like throwing u away and away. And I am so stupid, there are times when u are actually trying to comfort me, but I just reject u because of my lousy mood. Haizz... Really ? Am I really not worthy of u girl?

Doing so many stuff today, parade, guitar, nights out, steal toilet roll from mo, buy Chinese new year decoration for my bunk, play psp, watch hawi o 5, so many stuff. But time just pass so slow. I can't sleep or rest. My thought is just why am I so weak? Do I really deserve you? Zzz...

I miss u girl. Miss your face, your smooth skin, miss your smell, the touch of your hair, your body warmth. Haizz... Even though u are comfortable when u are with me, but i can't give u the gentlemen ess of a boyfriend to u. I can't think of so much things tat I can do with u, yet everytime when I am with u, I just didt do it. Stupid me or wat ? Zzz...

God gave me a chance to have u back, yet I throw the chance back. Zzz... This is crazy... God shld give me more pain and hurt first before he give me back u. So tat I won't be tat over confident or wat. Fk man... How I hope u can slap me, and just hit whack me. Till I really get hurt and get your pain.

Are u back yet ? At home. Another night of staring at the window, at the orange sky. Just like tat night when I just lost u, when I just book in after wallaby. Eveything back to square 1 again. Or even worse. I make u feel like drinking again. And I am worried of u. I Noe I have no control on u now. But I just wan u to be safe. Tat is all i ask.

I shld just think more... more of me first. Then us. But I just miss u tat lots. At least find a way to solve or change my bad habits firsst. Before anything goes wrong again. Zzz...

Sent from my iPhone

2010-12-11T08:49:00.000-08:00

Dear, I am sorry k. I Noe my reaction is slow. I agree is my fault k. I dob Noe y, but when u are angry, I just feel so stress. Feel so uneasy, I don noe y. But I feel like I really did something really bad, and u are going to leave me again. I really wan to tried to talk to you, but I don Noe how. I like keep on doing the wrong thing, step your feet, pulled your hair. I am sorry k. I really don mean too. Even now, u beside me. I feel so stress. I hope the time won't move anymore, I don wan your alarm to ring, I don wan to send u home. I really hope to see you smile again. Hope I can hug u again. I am sorry k. I just hope I didt send myself to he'll again. I am sorry k. I don't mean it. I don wan u to feel tat every guy is the same. I wan to be the special guy for u girl. I am sorry k. :(:(

Sent from my iPhone

2010-11-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

Horoscope of the day:

2010-11-30T09:54:00.000-08:00

Horoscope of the day:
The moon is making you feel sensitive and romantic today, whereas the high prietess is encouraging you to be discreet and have patience. These cards suggest that you are fantasizing about a relationship that could fulfill your dream of perfect love, dear Azlin, but you dont dare to talk to the person who occupies your thoughts. Maybe you have the feeling that you're in for a disappointment.

Thinking of you but I know I'm scared of the disappointment that you always give me.
Every single time i forgive you and move on.
every time you expect me to wait.
even now u expect me to wait if u ever change. You SIAO AH~~~
like this we might as well just firget it la.
I thought now is your turn to wait and dont let me wait alr~~
U will wait but When i come back, U will probably have changed?
and might not be ready to accept me back?"
Tts Fucking not waiting la~~
U want me to wait agn~~
U crazy ah~ u think i wait not enough ah~~
I really dun know what u want le la~
I really do love the time we spent tgt
and i really do love u but I'm afraid of fucking alot of things.
For now, I think i just keep my thoughts to myself.
Just change if you want. I dun expect you to wait anymore.
Tags: ailingjinghao. 29nov.

Girl, I don Noe is tat u don Noe me, or u don't trust me till u don Noe me anymore. Girl, I am glad that u tell me how u feel. Cause u never say I will never know. Tat is y everything that come through my mind first or things that I have think off, I tell u. I wan to noe watt your feeling and your reaponse. I rather be truth to u girl, telling u all the possible outcome that i have thought off and noe your ans and response, rather then after that telling u things that I can't promise. I am trying to cut down the misunderstanding chances so we could be prepared when things happen. I Noe I always ask u things that will make u angry and du lan. But it is not my attention to quarrel with u. I ask u things but that does't mean I will do it. I had always been like this. Since young. I told u before tat there was once when I was still in pri sch. I argued with my mum the first time saying tat I don wan to cut hair. So my mum thought I not going. But after tuition I still make my way to my grand parent house there de barber shop. I waited for hours for my mum. In the end the Malay barber that always cut hair for me, give me ten cent for me to call my mum. And I called my mum. She was shocked tat I was there. U shld hear tat before cause I swear I have tell u before.

Before we stead, I have told u before too that I Noe tat our personality does't suit each other. But so what, the most important thing is tat I love you. I have feelings for u girl, and I don mind to go up and down the moutons for u. As long as u are with me. Tat is all I asked. I don believe tat we together, can't overcome all these shit.

But in the end, is my own doing which make u leave me. And what I am doing now is simple. I am waiting for u. Lots of things can prove that. But u don Noe wether u will come back to me anot, and u asked me to move on. I am moving on, just like I told u. But my
Love side will just stop there. Cause I still love u. And I dare to swear it. But u also didt give me a clear ans. I Noe u still love me, but u also "love " him too. I can't accept this yet wat I can do for u, is to wait. Girl, u tell me, did u had any slight regrets ? Tat u break with me ? I not asking tat u got regret be with me before. And I really afraid tat if we patch, one day u will suddenly leave me again. I really afraid tat I can't take a second fall again. I am sorry k. But u won't scare tat I like can't give u my 100percent if we patch cause I am afraid ? I don noe how to phrase it. Wrong words. But I mean just I am afraid when we patch, I am not the same guy tat I once was. Are u ready to accept my changes ?

And last question. Did u regret tat u pong ping with your current bf ? Please tell me the truth k. This very important to me k. Please. Don lie to me about this k.

It just tat till now, I still can't accept it. It really painfull, even till now. I still can remember the pain when you first told me about this thing.

I noe u will angry about wat I type here k. But this is wat I realy wan to say. I will still wait for u. My feelings for u will never change. Trust me little by little. Girl, if u don start, we will never have a chance to be together. Isnt it ?

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2010-11-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

Answer?

2010-11-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

Will not be posting anything till u call me. So I won't be affecting your feelings. Fair right? Just tc of yourself and don't treat your mum so bad k. Tc girl.

ALJH <3

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Blue black on hand

2010-11-23T09:35:00.000-08:00

2010-11-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

Girl, sorry if i treat u cold k. Haizz... Don noe wat to do le. Your happiness ? Or my happiness ? Zzz... Sleep tight girl. Yesterday night is the best le.

ALJH <3

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My day.

2010-11-23T04:25:00.001-08:00

My day.

Today went for games day. Learnt how to play touch rugby. Not bad, although got a few scratch on my limbs. After that went to gym for some hardcore workup.

Nights out for my platoonmate. Currently stuck here. Waiting for the last parade to report. Zzz... Boring... Tml shld be games days again. Can't wait for my release. Zzz... Torturing. And boring.

Girl, I expect u not to call today. I agree to wat u say. U are a faithful girl and u don wan to break your principle. Girl, I just hope u don do stupid things k. Like... Er pong pong at cinema. That is abit too much le bah, wat if u get caught ? Zzz... Sorry to comment on your personal life, but I just hope u think twice k.

I also don Noe wat to say le. I will also control myself not to emo to much on the post. So u won't be affected. Guess that the only thing I can do for u bah. Just remember our promise k. Anything just call me. When needed la.

Hmm... Nothing much to say le. I will see when to pass u chocolate k. Thinking of how to let u see the domokun bolster. :)

ALJH this suck...

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2010-11-23T04:25:00.000-08:00

My day at reservoir, thinking of the past.

2010-11-22T14:43:00.000-08:00

2nd day sol.

2010-11-22T14:41:00.000-08:00

2nd day sol.

Just had breakfast. Zzz... SOL is a waste of time. Haizz... Such a terrible night to sleep. So hot, and hard to sleep. Hope tat u are sleeping well. Thks for the few seconds of happiness girl. ;) apperciate it.

Don Noe wat to type here le. Just remember tat I am always hiding somewhere in your heart k. If u need me, just find me. ;);) guess tat all I can say and do for u le. Hope tat u will find true happiness girl.

Haha, how I hope I can drunk myself asleep every night. Easier to sleep bah.
Miss 小黑 sia. Luckly she is still there. If only I can see her. Haha... Our memories are break into small pieces in your life.

So much memories but so little time. Haha... Nvm...

Sweet drems girl. :):)

ALJH always here for u

Sent from my iPhone

2010-11-20T21:07:00.000-08:00

Theory

I am just a friend now. So your bf shld have 85 % of the time spending with u. And i only got 5% of your time talking on phone with u. And not on everyday basis. One week around 4 to 6 days. And we also never meet at all. So by time basis, i will slowly get a smaller percentage as the days pass by. hmm... so by Feb, i shld be fully gone. And your new Bf will get 90% by that time, if everything goes well with u. i have 15% of winning. but that will slowly decrease as the days pass, and i only have 1% hope tat both of u will quarrel till break, which is quite impossible. Cause u are quite soft hearted and he can give u security and jealousy that u wanted. And your love for him will slowly upgrade to the level of love tat u give me in about 1 year time in your relationship. But by then u will be in SIA and he will be in Army. But that is abit too far, so cut it out. So currently i am at a very bad spot. Play to win only man !! So how do i win now ?? Hmmm....

Never mind, i go watch big bang theory bah. Hahaha... Future is always unknown. If fate wanted like tat i also no choice, but to suck my thumb. Zzzz... Cant sleep !!!

2010-11-19T10:33:00.001-08:00

Hope u are back home and safe.

Jut finish the first season of Big Bang Theory, while waiting for u.

Another boring saturday, alone at home.

Sleep early girl. Sweet Dreams.

ALJH

Maybe i am expecting too much le.

Alarm

2010-11-19T09:27:00.000-08:00

this bird wake me up today. lol, don noe who lost their bird.

2010-11-19T09:26:00.000-08:00

1 month

2010-11-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

It been 1 month le. Soon u will be 1 month with him liao. Haizz... Went for excersie today, felt uneasy after days of not doing any excersie. Almost finish the first season of big bang theory. Dling the 2nd season le. Damn funny, but watch too much, like I become geek. Zzz.. Lol

Today fking almost knock down by a car. When crossing, I swear I see the traffic light is red le. The car just drive fking fast pass me. I can feel the pain, like I was really hit. Maybe the other me was really knock down. But I don think I will die. Maybe break my leg bah. Haha... Maybe it still not the time for me to die bah. For this life. :)

Now suffering pain from neck. ... ... It like I pull a vein when I work up. But now it getting more pain. Zzz... Have to put Chinese medical pad. Zzz... U still haven call yet. Don Noe wether u are home yet anot. Worried. Hope u are ok, girl.

Maybe u don feel like calling le...

ALJH thinking about u

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2010-11-18T12:51:00.000-08:00

Goals

2010-11-18T12:50:00.000-08:00

Goals

Guess u sleep le bah girl. Missing u so much... Hope u are sleeping tight. Can feel the loneliness in the air. Can see the moon tonight... So bright and nice... Very long never go pm le... Hope can go pm with u again.. :)

Caught 3 fishes. 2 quite big, will be uploading photos bah. Cause is my cousin de camera.

Lots of things tat I wan to do. My mum just nag me about my birthday. Really don noe watt to do sia. Haizz... I also forget tat my birthday reaching le. Have to settle my private de entry too. If not too late, ord still have to wait sia. Zzz...

Stay at home, I can just forget about all these things... Omg. Wasted too much time... Gotta do something tml le.

Zzz... Sleep tight girl. Very long never see your sleeping face le. Sweet dreams. :);)

ALJH in my heart. <3

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2010-11-16T10:28:00.002-08:00

Bad morning, guess the ba Chou mee too spicy le. Dirreoh for the whole morning, till my leg really wobbly. Zzz... But luckly recovered very fast, after wave of shitting. Zzz...

2010-11-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

Bad morning, guess the ba Chou mee too spicy le. Dirreoh for the whole morning, till my leg really wobbly. Zzz... But luckly recovered very fast, after wave of shitting. Zzz...

Went to gym to try to warm up back, cause have rested a few days le. Left arm is fking pain, because of the donation. But just continue doing. Cause will be resting for 5 days soon. So cannot waste.

After tat, book out late again. Because of CSM. Zzz... Went to woodlands to buy ear studs first. After tat went to Derrick place for BBQ. Not bad, save dinner money.

Went for bowling after tat, tempted to buy one too, but still not sure I will be using wat kind of stroke. So on stand by first. Learn how to scrool the ball. Not bad, got progress. Will be trying again on the next time. :)

Really hope can bring u to play bowling again. It is so much funner with u. At woodlands, went to pass malam. Bought the twist potato. Remember our first time trying that. Haizz... Wonder we still have chance to go pass malam again.

Thinking of u again and again, Till I am sick of my iPod music. Gotta find other ways Liao. Guess pain is still the fastest way. So say good bye to all the pain killer.

ALJH sleep tight girl. Maybe u cab dream ... ...

Will be going town tml with xiong. To buy his friend present. Big bang theory.

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Living in a lie...

2010-11-15T08:41:00.000-08:00

Living in a lie...

If a clown job is to make ppl happy, then no matter wat he do, even it is to be on the worst state of his life he also must do his job. Cause he is a professional. If my saddnes can bring ppl happiness, then so be it then. I rather live in a lie, cause at least I can still see u smile. It is worth it.

So I will just keep on wearing a mask, and make ppl happy. Cause at least I am doing my job well, even I am a sucky person. So what I excel with my peers, I am a loser in love. If this can make u happy, then I don mind suffer. Cause maybe that is my life bah. ;):)

ALJH can a clown ride a horse ?

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2010-11-15T00:31:00.001-08:00

Not a good day.

2010-11-15T00:30:00.000-08:00

Not a good day.

Haizz... Saw your msg on fb to your bf. :(:( sadded.

Back to me. Went to nuh, reach too early. Half an hour plus. Bought donuts and gulp as breakfast. After tat went to register. Almost have to pay as private. Cause I don have a referral letter. Zzz... Luckly called derick for mo number. And ask them to fax it to nuh, if not I have to pay 96 dollars for consultation fee sia. Zzz...

Registered, waited for name to be call, went in and waited for the doctor for about 10 minutes. Zzz... And they ask me to take x ray again. Cause they can't find my x ray files. Zzz...

Went to take then went back again. Change doctor, kept on pressing my thumb and ask wether pain anot. Fk pain sia, don Noe where he press... and he say shld be legerment tear plus sprain. Cause my x ray never show anything. Maybe my bone grew back le ba. Lol...

Then went to take status and med. 7 tray of panadols. Zzz... Super powerfull one. Eat le, can don do things Liao. Don noe I take for wat. And had another appointment. At block leave, gotta change again. Haizz...

Went to donate blood, fk man. The nurse so lousy, I had blue black for the first time man. Zzz... Now still slight bleeding at the hole there. Zzz... Had to change plaster later. Zzz...

Fk , fk , fk. Lost my ear stud. Zzz... Going to buy when book out. Nb. Zzz... Slacking in bunk now. Rest bah, hand damn pain. Bath also pain. Zzz...

Bad day !!! Shld not go fb on the morning. Zzz....

Today faster end bah. Zzz...

ALJH confusing thoughts...

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2010-11-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

Guess i wont be receiving your call tonight... Just hope u reach home le. Sleep tight girl. Nites... :)

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My hope... Tat will never come true...

2010-11-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

Memories

2010-11-13T07:34:00.000-08:00

Stubborn

2010-11-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

Stubborn

Girl, just hope u can be happy k. Don worry or care about me. I Noe u have move on, and I also have made my choice. Since u Noe already, then please don ask me move on k. Thks. :) not only u can be stubborn even I also can be stubborn de.

For now, just please treat me as your friend bah. I won't be too much de, I just hope we are still in contact. Even I don get to see u again. For now. K ?

Miss u fking bad now. Haizz... But I also feel contend le, finally get to see u again. Thks alot girl. Finally can sleep for a good night.

Today morning, sit at your home downstair. Thinking about our past, every time make u angry. I will taun the night just to talk to u downstair. Seeing u throwing paper plan down, with notes in it. I still have all those notes with me. And lastly, the day before I fly to wallaby. I went to see u the last time, the last time, u as my gf. Miss u damn bad tat night, wake up early just to see u the last time before I go to wallaby. Regret not to ask u stay with me for the night. Never regret seeing u the last time tat morning. Now everything is the past le.

Regrets but got no choice. Now, for now. I can only hope your relationship suck la, very bad. But I have to fight for my own happiness too. So sorry. Maybe I got a chance, just like yvonne bf bah. Haizz... Hoping and wishing... I will emo, please don ask me not too. U noe it is impossible. But the least thing I can do for u girl, is not to type out all my emo things nia. But I Noe it is hard, so maybe once in a week then type one emo post bah. ... ... Really miss u girl... Hope u are well and happy.

I will be there k, just for u girl. Remember tat. ;);)

ALJH
the girl that I love most in this world. <3

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2010-11-13T03:34:00.000-08:00

Runaway

oohh no
oh oh oh

so easy to forget all of the little things we do
like callin' for no reason
just the shape of words
baby i love you
i know lately
i've been busy
but a second doesn't go by without you crossing my mind
it's been so long
since we had time
let's take a day and make everything right...

just take my hand
fall in love with me again
let's run away to the place
when love first found us
let's run away for the day
don't need anyone around us
oh oh oh
when everything in love gets so complicated
it only takes a day to change it
well i have to say
can't wait
all i need is a day
so let's run away
let's run away
just for the day
run away
run away...

girl you've been so patient
spending nights alone and not complaining
but i'll make it up to you
and i promise today i won't keep you waiting

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/runaway-lyrics-bruno-mars.html ]

please give me this one chance to remind you of everything we had
i won't give up
i'm too much in love
and i want you to know that...

just take my hand
fall in love with me again
let's run away to the place
when love first found us
let's run away for the day
don't need anyone around us
oh oh oh
when everything in love gets so complicated
it only takes a day to change it
well i have to say
can't wait
all i need is a day
so let's run away for the day
and i'll give everything in this moment
and i promise to make everyday just like today...

let's run away to the place
when love first found us
let's run away for the day
don't need anyone around us
oh oh oh
when everything in love gets so complicated
it only takes a day to change it
well i have to say
can't wait
all i need is a day
so let's run away...

Girl, go find this song. ^^ nice song. Maybe one day, i can sing it to u girl. ^^

2010-11-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

If

2010-11-11T10:09:00.000-08:00

Life ?

2010-11-11T10:07:00.001-08:00

Life ?

I don wish to be like swk. Zzz...
Do I really have too? Life is so simple yet complex... Zzz... Really don Noe wether I have look out of the box already ? Or still in the box ?

I can prove it. But will u still be there ?
Or do I have to choose other options ? Future is a ? . Haizzz... Thinking too much le.

Guess I just have to look it in the most simple way bah. Am I still me ? Zzz...

Pain is killing me. .... How to sleep ?

Sleep tight girl.

ALJH is it meant to be ??

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2010-11-09T16:36:00.001-08:00

Sympathy...

2010-11-09T16:24:00.000-08:00

Sympathy...

Girl, u Noe y i say even u call me so late I also can wake up ? U really think I can wake up early ? Actually wat I wan to tell u is ... I have been waiting for your call every night. U may not believer me, but yesterday I ans your call so fast. U shld Noe bah, I had been putting my phone under my pillow since long time ago. So to wait for your call even if I fallen asleep...

But never mind la, I don't expect to sleep anyway just resting every night. Can't sleep too. Every night I can wake up 5 to 7 times because of nothing. Zzz...

Girl, u call me because u sympathy me ? That mean I am not as important Liao. Last week u called because u miss me, but now is pity Liao. Soon it will become I don Noe wat Liao le.

External Pain... Can reduce my pain in my heart. But I won't cut myself anymore le. Don't worry. I will just keep on go gym and train. Till I got body ache Liao. Whole body pain... Actually it really feel better...

Girl, don ask me to move on le. I can't move on when my heart is still with u. Maybe one day, one day, just like u foretell, I may love another her... Maybe bah... Zzz...

Don care about me le girl, I don wan to pull your back leg. I reap wat i sow...

Tc k girl. Call me when u need k. I will always be here... Just for u...

ALJH this is not wat I want...

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No more...

2010-11-09T08:13:00.001-08:00

No more...

Guess tat I am gone from your heart Liao. Maybe tat is wat your heart tell u bah. I don Noe wat am I expecting anymore. Hope tat u are happy girl.

ALJH empty

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Swollen finger, can't get my ring out. How I can hope I never take this ring out...

2010-11-08T15:13:00.000-08:00

2010-11-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

Raining everyday... Just like my feeling in my heart.

2010-11-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

Raining everyday... Just like my feeling in my heart. Hate these weather... It is just too cold for me to take it.

I don Noe is u take my words as a joke that i will wait for u cause I always can't get serious, or is i take your word not serious enough. To move on. U dit ask me to wait too... So wat is your heart telling now? U noe that u don love me anymore and u just call me cause u still can't get use too it ? Or u still have feeling for me, but I expired le.

I can feel tat u have been enjoying with your current bf. It is painful for me, but at least u are enjoying it. I really hope he treat u well, guess I am not tat kind of person to be evil bah. Zzz...

Guess tat I just don Noe my limits bah, keep on holding on u, when actually u already is not there for me le. The truths hurts, but I am just too stubborn to admit that I am the loser. Zzz...

If maybe, one day I have a knock on my head. And it is so serious tat I have amnesia, maybe tat day u can come find me. Cause u will feel most secure with me bah. Zzz... But now still have this bf, so cannot anyhow do yet.

Just hope u are fine, had not been sleeping well. Kept on having weird dreams.

Too much to worry, yet am I qualify to worry ??

ALJH actin tough is hard. Zzz...

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开不了口

2010-11-07T03:51:00.000-08:00

才离开没多久就开始担心今天的你过得好不好
整个画面是你想你想的睡不着
嘴嘟嘟那可爱的模样还有在你身上香香的味道
我的快乐是你想你想的都会笑
没有你在我有多难熬(没有你在我有多难熬多烦恼)
没有你烦我有多烦恼(没有你烦我有多烦恼多难熬)
穿过云层我试着努力向你奔跑
爱才送到你却已在别人怀抱
就是开不了口让她知道
我一定会呵护着你也逗你笑
你对我有多重要我后悔没让你知道
安静的听你撒娇看你睡着一直到老
就是开不了口让她知道
就是那么简单几句我办不到
整颗心悬在半空我只能够远远看着

2010-11-07T03:41:00.000-08:00

彩虹

2010-11-07T03:17:00.000-08:00

那裏有彩虹告訴我
能不能把願望還給我
為甚麼天這麼安靜
所有的雲都跑到我這裏

有沒有口罩一個給我
釋懷說太了多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥
也是我現在正服下的毒藥

看不見你的笑我怎麼睡的著
你的身影這麼近我卻抱不到
沒有地球太陽還是會繞
沒有理由我也能自己找

你要離開我知道很簡單
你說依賴是我們的阻礙
就算放開但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白

RAP:
看不見你的笑要我怎麼睡得著
你的聲音這麼輕我卻抱不到
沒有地球太陽開始環繞環繞
沒有理由我也能自己走掉
是我說了太多就承受不了
也許時間是一種解藥解藥
也是我選擇整瓶服下的毒藥

愛你的人還在

2010-11-07T03:07:00.000-08:00

Girl, i noe u have move on. Sorry to be pulling your back leg. But don ask me to move on. Cause it is so hurtful. The girl that u love the most asking u to move on. And look for a new girl. It is damn painful, u noe ? If one day, one day, my heart have no love for u anymore, not even a little... then maybe, one day, one day, i will move on bah.

I am sorry k, i don noe how to keep everything into a small box, and put it in a corner of my heart. If u can, then great k. but i am not you girl. Things that might be easy for u, ani't easy for me too.

If this all hardship is all i have to suffer now. i don mind, cause i rather suffer now then later, at least. i have a brighter future. If he really move his real feelings for u, and u felt sorry. Then jiu go for it bah, i noe that u will feel very bad. That is one of the point that i love u girl. If u really like him, then jiu go bah. Even one day, u found out u love him. But i will still standing here, waiting for u. Don ask me to go, cause i don wish to see one day, when u are left alone standing there, and there are nobody there for u. I have volunter for that, so please don ask me go.

I will still do wat i have to do, but if u want me to seal everything into a small box and keep in my heart. Then i will also seal my feeling and love in it. Cause that is the fairy tale ending that i want.
I have give in for u girl, so u can just take it k, U noe that i can be as stubborn as u de. And don blame me for cursing your current relationship k, every man have to fight for his battles de, for his happiness. So don blame me, and i wont say sorry for that. :p

Wonder when will be your next call, i noe it will be very long later. So wat ? I cannot wait meh ? If u really need someone to listen to u, please call me k. This free line is just for u nia, 24/7. ^^ don be shy k.

I also have think of something, that i hope that u can do for me. If one day i die k. ( touch wood la) lol. If i am still young, and not that succesfull yet, please just come to my funeral jiu can le. AND please wear the last ring we had made together. Just for that day nia. k ? And tell my mum to throw my ash into the seas please. What for wasting land, and still have to ask ppl to pray for me. Stupid. But if i am older le and quite successful, please if possible, use my money then open my funeral at the beach, western style. Everybody in black. Just the way u dreamt of my funeral. Then after the funeral, please throw into the sea k. Same lar, u also must wear our last ring k. Just like how u dream. ^^ I figure out maybe we really never married bah, cause in your dream, we are just old. And u wearing our ring nia. in black. Lol. Maybe that is the story for your dream. Dejavu. ^^ That all. Must touch wood. Lol, i don wan to die so early too !!

30 years old, for me. U WILL MARRY ME !! If we are still single. Hope u are single till then !!! HAhahahahah... Remember this hor, so if u cant find any right guys for u in the coming years, don blame me k. Curse and swear. Nb, must clear this current guy first. Zzz... Go club and ons lar, nb. Zzz...

ALJH 愛你的人還在

Girl, I hope I can take photos like we use too.

2010-11-06T09:23:00.001-07:00

Girl, I hope I can...

2010-11-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

Girl, I hope I can talk to u every night.
Girl, I hope I can see u everyday.
Girl, I hope I can hug u to sleep any time.
Girl, i hope I can be with u when ever u need me.
Girl, I hope I can dote u every time.
Girl, I hope I can tease u and make u laugh everyday.
Girl, I hope I can make u smile cheerfully eveyday.
Girl, I hope I can sleep with u every
night when ever your parent go overseas.
Girl, I hope I can spend all my off with u only.
Girl, I hope I can eat jap food when ever u want.
Girl, I hope I can ask u help me dig my ear when ever my ear itch.
Girl, I hope I can bring u anywhere with my bike.
Girl, I hope we can cook or bake any food we want.
Girl, I hope I can call u dear.
Gir
Girl, I really hope I can make u feel secure.
Girl, I really hope u can forgive me.
Girl, I really hope I can give u a good future.
Girl, I really hope u give me one more chance.
Girl, I super duper hope we are together now... And Fivever. :):)

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2010-11-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

Dream ?

2010-11-06T01:04:00.000-07:00

Dream ?

I Noe that u don't read my blog. But i just continue this. Who noes maybe next time got use. :) really glad that u call that night. Just normal conversation like this is like a blessing for me le. One good sleep in a few days.

I slowly accepting that we are not together anymore. But I Noe that I still love u. I don Noe about u, but for now friend between us le. I don ask for much. Just hope u can recover from me. Please don get it wrong. I Noe we can't be together. At least for now. And I don expect u to call me frequently. But I will still expecting your call. Nothing wrong as a friend, right ? :)

For your current bf, u shld Noe yourself the best. I also can't say anything. Cause the choice is yours. I can only advice u. Good luck in anything u doing k. Including working as a waitress. :)

Haizz... Boring day in camp. Done the most slack guard duty ever. But kana turn out by ps. Almost get charged again but luckly ps is just playing around. Zzz...

Thinking of our past. Miss u damn lots, all the one dollar coin tat u kept for me. Help me dig ears when I book out. Fking long never dig Liao sia. Damn itchy. Lol. But I also scare ask other ppl help me. Zzz... Guess I can only wait one day bah. Haha...

Tc my friend. :)

ALJH Biibii

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I really hope I Noe wat u thinking.

2010-11-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

One album gone. It just like a countdown. Sentosa. 3> I really hope I Noe wat u thinking.

ALJH

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Didt slept much.

2010-11-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Didt slept much. ... But at least my headache is ok le. Mind is spinning, kept on thinking. I don even think I can say I sleep.

Girl, I can feel that in your heart I am getting smaller and smaller. Like going to be gone soon. Haizz... Am I going to be out of your mind too ? Sad but wat can I do ? I try not to think too much. Just get to see your fb profile eveyday. I also don Noe when I will be getting a call or a SMS from u le.

Haizz... Maybe I am just asking too much. U still got your life. Your life and mine does't not interfere anymore.

Such a cold morning. Raining. I noe I still love u girl. I Noe u will do all these cause u are u. And I love u being u. But u are tired of me le. Maybe even all these shit I type. U also don bother too read le. Wat am I to u now ? Just a friend. And somemore u have bf now which mean I am even less valuable. Haizz... I really love your néw profile pic. U really look beautiful. From my heart.

Sleep tight girl. I miss u.

ALJH regrets and more regrets.

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2010-11-03T10:03:00.001-07:00

Insomnia

2010-11-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

Insomnia

Can't sleep. Kept on thinking of her again. Just change her proile pic. Damn beautiful. Hope that she would be mine. :( haizz... This is so torturing. Zzz...

Even with headache and muscle ache, tiredness still can't make me sleep man. So many thoughts and so many question.

I had been 18 days le. But nothing change for me. She is still running in my mind. Haizz... Think so much. But got use mah? Now my name is bunk is call emo king. WTF. It just no mood wat. Everybody clear off. Only left me. Tml more worse, left me and zr. Guard duty. Zzz... But I go home also don Noe wat to do.

I have 2 thoughts currently. One is that this is just a test for me from her. Which most probably not possible. Secondly is that, she don have feeling for me le, that y she didt ask me to wait and continue to move on. But I hope this is not true. I really pray and wish that is not true. ... ... Y didt she ask me wait ? And who did she write to on fb? Wait for her. Haizz...

I can see that her bf also change profile pics. Both of them shld went for sushi. Something in her just can't change. Wonder how long I have not eaten sushi le. Zzz...

Sick and emo. Maybe I shld pop some med to let me sleep bah. At least when I sleep I may be happier for dreaming of her. ... ... How I wish that I really have the teleport skill. Zzz... See her sleeping face then jiu go back camp.

Hope that she is fine and healthy.

ALJH badly missing her...

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2010-11-02T19:32:00.001-07:00

Destiny

2010-11-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

Destiny

Today went for ippt. Barely get a silver. Everything is tiring. But have to do it, if not have to book in early till get silver. Pushing myself to my limit. The only station I like is sit up. Cause when I lie down, I see the sky. The blue blue sky, cloud slowly floating pass. Thinking of u again. Tears just flow out, but I make it like I yawn. Zzz... Hoping tat we can just lie down on a field and just watch the sky one day. Till night so your favorite moon and stars will come out.

Everyday seem to pass so slow. Nothing to do, just thinking of u. Friends calling emo, ask me eat ask me go gym. But I just don have the feel.

Later still have to recieve punishment. I hear it is SOL. Zzz... It mean I am charge. My ord booklet will be written there. Losing my cfc chance. And still kana blacklisted. No matter where I go, pri sch, sec sch, ite now even Ns. Everywhere I go, I will kana something like this. WTF... Is this my life ? I am not a kid anymore. Luckly this does not have to inform parent. I don wan my mum to worry for me anymore.

Was flipping your fb page once I reach bunk. No update, still trying to understand why and who do u write to. Wait for me... I'll be there... Give me some time to reach there... Is this for your bf ? So good, it mean u will slowly give him your hundred percent ? Haizz... Click your bf fb too. See your comments. All his reply are so short. Is he like this ? No passion in comment ? Does he treat u like this too in real life ? I wonder. And u can put u are engage to him. But he did not put anything. Did he put private so to let u see only ? Y he don dare to show others ? He shld be proud. Zzz... Curse and swear but so watt ? I guess maybe I have did to u before too bah. So many bad things that I have done to u. I already don noe le. But so watt, I am jealous of this guy now. He did not Noe that he got a treasure. Fk man.

I hate myself for not be able to be fierce enough, maybe I am fiercer things won't end out this way ? I am weak... Just I love u is not enough. :(:(:( my face everyday is :( or :/ . I already don Noe how to :). Even I show ppl, it is a fake :$. Maybe it is my destiny bah.

I remember tat my only reason that keep u with me is tat I can make u laugh. Now after break le, I notice tat actually since a long time ago, when I use to write diary, I have actually find out tat that my destiny is to make the ppl around me laugh. That why I call myself a clown. Cause that is wat they do. And after all the laughter, ppl just continue their life. But nobody cares about the clown. That y a clown can than so many things. Lol. Stupid logic. But that is how I feel about me. Things can be so clear sometime but sometime things can be so confusing.

Don Noe wat to type le. Maybe continue at night bah. I wonder I can continue like this for how many days man. Zzz... Turn out coming soon. Sain, Friday guard duty. Zzz...

ALJH miss u girl.

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My 2 most valueable things in my life.

2010-11-02T06:37:00.001-07:00

Bad day

2010-11-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

Bad day

I saw shooting stars, I saw full rainbow. I even drive in between rainbow. So why am I so umlucky till now. Is it i wish for too much ? Is it my personality ? Am I really a bad guy ? Did I do alot of bad things. I noe I am a lousy lover, so I got my punishment le. Isn't tat enough ? Is it something I say ? Or I did ?

Or am I helping my mum taking all her bad things. Haizz... If that is real, I don mind, I don wan my mum to operate anymore le. My mum did not have a good life since I was born. So many shit here and there. Maybe I am unlucky bah. How my mum overcome those man.

How am I going to overcome these now ? I really wonder. I am alive but I am barely breathing now. So please I really hope please at least u one shot give me all this shit man. So one all these shit pass, luck will come back bah.

Listening to " rainbow " now. So real man. Did jay happen all these shit ? How can lyrics of song can be so real in life? Crying cannot solve a thing but at least it can make me feel better. Screaming hurt my throat, at least I can release stress. Not eating hurt my stomach, at least I don't puke, cause it hurt more. My heart hurts alot, but at least all those mistake and regrets will be bring along with me on my life. Trying to look at the brighter side. Giving excuse to myself again and again. But how long can I take this ?

I Noe that I have no chance with her le. So why now regret ? Why I did not give her my best ? Maybe I don suit her ? But I love her. Love can overcome all kind of problem isn't it ? But why is it so contridicting ? I want her back. But it is not just my side. So wat if I hold on yet she move on ? So wat if I slowly disappear from her mind and I am still here ? So wat if she found the right one for her ?

Lol, I still remember u wrote it in your blog. I won't think any " wat if " le, dear I only Noe i love u. Lol, yet now we swap places now. Now is I wat if now.

My punishment ? I think yes bah. Take it like a man, but I am not a man anymore le. Thinking so much everyday , typing so much everyday. Y am I so problemactic man?

I miss those good days when I can say good night to her. Hear her voice before I sleep. See her smile, feel her warmth and hugs. Piniching me in the chest, holding my hand, wispher in my ears. Showing all the changes she make, she everything she bought, telling me everything she done. How much I hope she can look at me again. Hoe much I hope I can turn back time ?

I Noe this guy let her feel secure. But I feel insecure. So wat ? She is not mine le. She changes, changing to wat she wanted to do. She does't wan to waste her time le, she does't wan to wait le. But now I am waiting. But she does't ask me to wait. So chances is, I may be waiting for nothing. I Noe it in my heart, but y can't I stop myself to do it ? Is it the love ? Is it wat I promise her before ? Is it that I wan to prove to her something ?

We are like the closest stranger now. At least she treat me as a friend, at least she still call me when she miss me. At least I can still see her face in my phone. See wat she type when she use my phone. Hear her voice when she called me. But I am not her love one anymore. How badly that I wan to break this relationship now. Bad influence. But so wat ? He can give her wat I can't give. Pinned down flat by his cigreate butt. Feel the shame.

I actually am a little proud for myself. I can type for 2 whole hours, all my thoughts for today. But is my post same as the post i writen everyday ? I hope not bah. I write this down. So I can remind myself, wat kind of a loser am I. How unapperciating am I to her? Thought that she won't leave right ? Haha serve me right ? U got served asshole. Laughing at my ownself, isn't this fun. Merging both of myself together. Worse combo ever. Haizz...

So wat I got so much thing to write ? Nothing gotta change. So just slap my own face, see wat is front of me now, and do everything one step at a time bah. Firstly will be tml, charge by sir. Don Noe is it SOL or extra. Haizz... Hope is not sol bah. Secondly I must do something to my body. Weaker and weaker but I keep on straining myself. I cannot fever every night mab. This is wrong. Zzz... Gotta get some real sleep if possible. Thirdly shld be decide wat am I going to do bah. Haha...

Hope I type so long u won't read it. Lol, Now is cao ge de song, lol. Really bring back memories man. At least this is a cheerful song.

ALJH in my heart always.

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Worst days of my Ns life.

2010-11-02T04:45:00.000-07:00

Worst days of my Ns life.

Zzz... Gf gone. Now I will be charged by my sir. Because of my camera phone. Best man. Some more cannot send arms. Doing guard duty on public holiday. Sick and sick. Depress plus depress and depress.

Nothing to say about my life Liao. Sway till siao sia. Worst to fking worst. Thks to god. Luckly I never worship u sia. Wat is happening to me man ? Y did all this have to happen now ? Wat karma did I do ?? Am I such a lousy guy. Zzz...

Tiring, sick, depress... U better one time everything give me la. Knn. Don drag or wat. I lose her already, wat kind of fk shit can I still get ??

Aljh why ?

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Blue blue sky.

2010-11-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

Aiyah, I guess that was not for me. Just saw u spamming to your bf page. Nb. Thinking too much again. Y u treat him so good. Engage to him. Not fair. When u with me, u only put in a relationship nia. Zzz... Sadded.

Aljh I am like a viZard.

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